Attack of the Wacko BridesmaidsBy Marilyn Anderson He proposed. You accepted. Now the fun begins. Making the wedding plans! And having your dearest friends in the world support you and help you get through the stress! Sounds good, right? Except sometimes they add to the stress! And we're not just talking about the usual I-Hate-This-Ugly-Bridesmaid's-Dress-and-I-Can't-Wear-It Syndrome. Lots of other things can wilt your corsage when your bridesmaids get wigged out and wacko! Here are some examples: Your Bridesmaid: Cleo the Clinger The Buzz: You've been best buds forever. Pals since kindergarten. You've shared clothes and you've shared secrets. She's the first one you told when he popped the question. Hell, she's the first one you told when he popped your cherry! Clinger Clues: When you told her you were engaged, you screamed, hugged, and jumped for joy together. BUT...the next day she left a ton of weepy whiny messages on your answering machine.
One Bride's Story: Gwen, a 27-year-old bride from New York, was inundated with emails from her Clinging Cleo. "I miss you already." "I'll be lonely when you're gone." "Forget-me-not!" Worse, Gwen was embarrassed at her wedding. After she and her groom were pronounced man and wife, Clinging Cleo ran around telling the other guests: "Can you believe it - she left me for him !" Gwen said some of her relatives actually thought she was a lesbian! Your Secret Ammunition: Whether it's a Clinging Cleo, a Leachy Lauren, or a Parasitic Paula, there's a way to handle her. Dr. Rita Bigel-Casher, a Manhattan-based therapist and author of Brides Guide to Emotional Survival suggests you reassure your bridesmaid that you'll stay close friends. It's true, after you're married, the #1 person in your life will be your husband - but telling her you'll still have time for her will go a long way towards comforting her. More Secret Ammo: Buy her a security blanket. Tell her to get a dog. Tell her to get a life! * * * Your Bridesmaid: Jealous JaneThe Buzz: You're so close, you're almost like sisters! So why would she be jealous? There could be lots of reasons, for instance: You've been dating your boyfriend 6 months. She's been dating her boyfriend 6 years . Your boyfriend proposed in a gondola. Her boyfriend threw up in a gondola. You and your boyfriend have great sex. She and her boyfriend have no sex. Your boyfriend gave you a ring. Her boyfriend gave her an STD. You're getting married. She's getting old. Whatever the reason, Jane is horribly jealous, though she won't necessarily admit it. The Jaws of Jealousy: Her behavior might be blatant, like making snide remarks. But more likely, there'll be subtle signs to let you know that Jane is in pain - and green with envy. One of her tactics might be to make you doubt yourself. She asks, "Are you sure you're ready?" Or "Can you imagine never having sex with anyone else?" She also might try to make you doubt your fiancé. "Where is he tonight?" Or "He travels so much... aren't you worried he'll cheat?" And then behind your back, she nuzzles up to him! One Bride's Story: Whenever Susan, a 29-year-old bride from Chicago, tried to get together - her bridesmaid, Kalla, always had excuses: "I have to work late" or "I think I'm getting the flu." Sue was really upset when Kalla didn't show up for her dress fitting. Kalla's explanation? "Oops! - I wrote the wrong day in my calendar." Their showdown finally came when Kalla arrived over an hour late to the rehearsal dinner and then talked to her boyfriend on her cell phone the whole time! Sue asked her why she was behaving that way, "We'd always said how happy we'd be at each other's wedding." "Yeah," Kalla answered, "but I always thought mine would be first! " Your Secret Ammunition : Dr. Rita Bigel-Casher indicates that jealous people are insecure. They feel they don't have enough, so they want what you have. Their aggressive behavior is meant to hurt you, because they feel hurt. With regard to a Jealous Jane, it's wise to confront her or console her, or if that doesn't work, ignore her. More Secret Ammo : Get her a life-size inflatable Groom Doll! * * * Your Bridesmaid: Center-of-Attention Cyndi The Buzz : Cyndi is elated when you ask her to be your bridesmaid. She loves being in weddings. And she quickly tells you that she looks best in blue, yellow, or peach. Absolutely no mauve! She can't be a bridesmaid if the dresses are mauve! Then suddenly Cyndi screams, "Yikes, "I've got to start my diet! I have to look gorgeous!" Did you notice she never even told you that you'd be a beautiful bride? Well, watch out - because this is only the beginning. Center-of-attention Signals:At your wedding, her dress is lower cut than all the others are. She had it altered. And her diet worked. It looks like she lost twenty pounds - and had them implanted in her breasts! Either it's new boobs or an industrial strength push-up bra! At the reception, she goes over to every table and introduces herself - to all your relatives, all your friends, and all your girlfriends' dates. That's why she didn't bring one herself... he'd cramp her style. She talks loud, laughs loud, drinks too much, and dances too much. She dances with every guy, every girl, and by herself! Even when the band is on break! She doesn't just sign your guest book - she draws a mural over a whole page. She doesn't try to catch the bouquet. She dives for it. Would you believe a double triple somersault with a half twist! When you get the wedding pictures, you realize what the photographer meant when he told you someone was stalking him. Cyndi is in every picture... smiling in the foreground, or lurking in the background. You're hoping she doesn't show up in your honeymoon pictures! One Bride's Story: Dana, a 25-year-old bride from Great Neck, still talks about her Center-of-Attention bridesmaid. She was an aspiring actress who offered to sing at Dana's wedding. Bree had a good voice, so Dana figured why not? Dana asked Bree to sing her and her groom's favorite song. The only problem? Bree sang that - plus 10 others. She wouldn't get off the bandstand! You'd think it was her very own solo concert! Your Secret Ammunition: Remind yourself that Center-of-Attention Cyndi can't help herself. She's insecure and narcissistic. The best thing for you to do is let it go. Sometimes you have to put up with friends if they're worth it. More Secret Ammo: Tell her an agent just called, and he wants her to come to Hollywood - immediately! * * * Your Bridesmaid: Gabby the Gusher The Buzz: Gabby's your best friend. You had to call her the very night he proposed. She wasn't just excited - she was ecstatic! You talked and talked till 3 in the morning. But the next day after work, when you called your other friends- guess what? They already knew! Gabby had told them. With all the details - even some you didn't know! And your friends aren't the only ones she tells. Gusher Giveaways: She's so excited, you can't go anywhere without her gushing. She tells waiters, sales girls, parking valets, and toll takers: "She's getting married! Isn't she lucky! Her fiancé is fabulous!" Soon, everyone in town knows. She's even called into radio shows. You're beginning to wonder if she's so outrageously happy because you're truly undesirable and she thought you'd never get married!" One Bride's Story: Amy, a 24-year-old San Francisco bride talks about her gushy bridesmaid, Ebullient Eve. "She kept sending me cards and flowers and leaving HAPPY messages on my machine. You'd think she was the groom!" At the reception," Amy says, "after the Best Man gave his speech, Eve insisted on giving one. It was so long and impassioned, my family still refers to it as the Weddysburg Address!" Your Secret Ammunition: Sincerely tell her how much you appreciate that she's happy for you. But you want to keep it a quiet thing. The truth is, you can learn a lot about people by how they act at your wedding. Recognize that this is Gabby's personality, and act accordingly. Just remember not to tell her when the EPT strip turns pink! More Secret Ammo: Tell her it's a secret. Tell her you're keeping the wedding small and private. Don't tell her - until the day before the wedding. Don't ever tell her. Elope! * * * Your Bridesmaid: Gloom & Doom Dorie The Buzz: Dorie's always been sweet and giving, so you know she'll be supportive and helpful. However, as your wedding plans proceed, you discover that Darling Dorie is becoming a Negative Nellie! And she has a comment for every step along the way. Doom& Gloom Whines & Lines: Of course, it won't happen to you - but do you realize over 50% of marriages end in divorce! It's so nice you're having an outdoor wedding - but what if it rains? Oh, your bakery makes the most beautiful wedding cakes - even though they don't taste good. At my girlfriend's ceremony, she tripped on her wedding train and broke her nose. My cousin's fiancé lost her ring. His dog swallowed it. They got the ring back, but the dog died! One Bride's Story: Sari, a 26-year-old bride from Los Angeles, said her cousin, Lisa, was like the Stephen King of wedding stories. Every day she'd tell another morbid tale about a disaster wedding. She was trying to be helpful when she told Sari not to forget a First Aid Kit. She'd read about a bride who, "when they cut the cake, she cut her finger off. "Yucch, she bled all over the cake - nobody wanted to eat it!" And "Did you see in the Enquirer yesterday, about the groom who was hit by lightning!" Your Secret Ammunition: Reassure her that everything is going just fine. Tell her you'd love to hear any positive things she has to say, but ask her to delete anything else. Tell her she has an hour a day for negative thoughts, but that's not her hour with you. She can tell them to her therapist. Or tell them to a telemarketer! More Secret Ammo: Next time she tells you about the groom who choked - ask her if she knows about the bridesmaid who was strangled! * * * Your Bridesmaid: Take-Over Tara The Buzz: Okay, you should have known. As singles, when you went clubbing together, Tara would always tell you what to wear. At restaurants, she'd tell you what to eat. She even tried to pick out your groom! Now, she's finally accepted you've found your own mate. She'll "live" with it. But she simply MUST help you with the wedding plans. Hey - you don't need to pay a Wedding Planner - she'll do it for free! Sure, it might not cost in cash - but you'll PAY BIG in other ways. Take-over Tip-offs: It starts subtly, when you're shopping. Tara makes little comments: "You don't want those invitations." "Not that caterer." "Ooh, this gown is you! " But soon, subtleties are out the window and Take-Over Tara becomes the ultimate Control Freak. She goes WITHOUT YOU - she books the room and books the band. She even fills out your registry! (Maybe she wants to stand in for you under the canopy, too!) It's time to worry when in order to help, your bridesmaid drops out of grad school, cancels her vacation, or cancels her liposuction! Beware most of all if she matter-of-factly says, "Oh, I have plenty of time - I quit my job!" One Bride's Story: Julie, about to tie the knot in Baltimore, thought her bridesmaid, Kathy, was so helpful. She bought wedding books and magazines, did Internet research, and made wedding favors. But then she called the minister to go over his sermon! And she called the groom to make the honeymoon plans! The last straw was when Julie said they were going to write their own vows - Kathy responded, "I've already written them !" Your Secret Ammunition: Tell her you truly appreciate everything she wants to do - but part of the excitement is planning it yourself. Then give her one important job so that she'll feel included. More Secret Ammo: Chain her to her kitchen sink. Tell her to organize her closet. Fix her up with a guy who'll keep her busy. Fix her up with a guy who'll marry her! Only then, she'll ask you to make her wedding plans! * * * Some Final Words of Wacko Wisdom: If you keep in mind that Wacko Bridesmaids are an integral, normal, and funny part of the wedding process, they won't cause you to go wacko. And if you keep a sense of humor and smile through it all - a long, happy life awaits you! The End* * * This article was previously published and is reprinted here with the permission of the Author. Marilyn Anderson is a Relationship Expert and the author of NEVER KISS A FROG - A Girl's Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp. " She has been interviewed on over 120 radio & TV shows and was the Dating, Flirting & Kissing Coach on ABC's Extreme Makeover. Also a screenwriter, playwright, and comedian, Marilyn lives in Los Angeles. She invites you to visit her "webbed" site at www.Neverkissafrog.com. |
