Dear Adina

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Dear Adina,
I am a 27-year-old female who is in the middle of a divorce. I have fallen in love with someone and I want to take it to the next level. I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and I see a future with him. For the first time in my life, I want to have children with my partner, so in my heart I know he’s the one. My dilemma is my new boyfriend is very judgmental about everything I am going through. He blames me for the choices I have made in the past, and even though I have tried to deal with my divorce on my own, he has managed to gather information about what I am going through with my soon-to-be ex-husband and holds it all against me. I am at odds as to what I should do. Should I call it quits with my current boyfriend while I am trying to dissolve my marriage and hope that he will still be around after the dust settles, or should I just grin and bear it and take the occasional judgmental remarks about my character from my current boyfriend?

Hurt and in love,
Drew

—Adina's Response—

Dear Suffering in Silence,
What is this business of trying to deal with your divorce on your own? A divorce is an emotionally taxing experience, for you and probably for your new beau as well. If you try to keep your feelings bottled up inside, there is sure to be a communication breakdown. In any relationship, communication is the key to its success. It is very important that you are able to express your emotions and feelings to your new boyfriend without his being judgmental. If he is emotionally not here for you now and you feel you have to keep your feelings hidden from him, then you might want to think about how he will act when times get tough down the road. If you just grin and bear his judgmental remarks, he won’t realize how his words are affecting you. Communicate to him how you feel, and hopefully he will do the same. Maybe his remarks are stemming from jealously or fear that he doesn’t know how to deal with. Talk to him and let him know how you’re feeling.

Love is extremely powerful and beautiful but cannot stand alone to make a relationship last. Build your new relationship on a foundation of communication, trust, honesty, and respect, and your garden of love will continue to bloom for many springs to come.

Sowing the seeds,
Adina

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