Bella Dahl Maternity – A Sexy Jean for the Mother-to-Be

Bella Dahl Maternity -A Sexy Jean for the Mother-to-Be

Bella Dahl has been around for almost six years, and two years ago Bella Dahl Maternity was created based on the need for cool, sexy maternity wear in the same vein as Bella Dahl, a very contemporary, sexy fitting jeans line. The thought was that expecting mothers would not want to wear a baggy, bulky jean. Head designer Lynn Keys came up with a very successful product with a sexy fit and cool styling; very contemporary, very hip. Some of the Bella Dahl Maternity jeans expose the belly; others do not.

Lynn grew up in the Midwest and attended design school, then went on to FIT in New York, where she studied for two years. In 1996 Lynn came out to Los Angeles and worked with a contemporary firm for three years. Lynn went out on her own for a couple of years and did some accessories, cashmere, and wristbands, then transitioned into Bella Dahl. She’s been here ever since the beginning.

We decided to continue our fashion jean in the contemporary market because we thought that our sexy clientele will get pregnant, and they’re going to want a sexy jean. We use lycra in our product. It’s a comfort stretch. Our tummy band is terry cloth with lycra which holds your tummy very well. It can slide under the belly or be up above. It has a self elastic band inside. You don’t have bulk around your mid-section; you’re more emphasizing it and exposing it.

What is the demographic?

Our Maternity age range is anywhere from 20s to mid 40s. It is a very body-conscious customer, same with our Bella Dahl client–someone who’s very sexy and fit and who can wear a jean very well. The way that we engineer our tummy, especially the belly part of our maternity jean, it really helps to make you feel very sexy.

Lynn is the head designer. The two owners are very involved in the direction and focus of their product. Lynn is very hands-on. She oversees the details: pocket details, stitching, washes, fabrications, including which products are being put into maternity.

Sometimes we carry over our bestseller in Bella Dahl contemporary into our maternity to help dress those pregnant clients throughout their pregnancy.

Bella Dahl can be found in specialty maternity stores, specialty boutiques, which carry a maternity section, Nordstrom, Pea in the Pod, etc. The difference between Bella Dahl and Bella Dahl Maternity is in the cut. A little more fullness is added to the hips, and the waistband is cut down. There is the same quality of stitching. The belly portion is carved out so there are no folds over the belly. The waistband is dropped by two or three inches. It sits right underneath the belly. It grows with you during your pregnancy.

When I was pregnant I didn’t find anything in the market like Bella Dahl. Bella Dahl Maternity retails from $126 to $175.

Highest High:

The best part of designing the line is seeing the end product. Wearing it, and feeling good, you don’t feel like you’re pregnant.

Lowest Low:

Once we’ve played around with the tummy band to get this fit just right, it was a challenge. But it was executed and as you can see, it turned out great.

What’s Next?

Bella Dahl has always been a very rock ‘n roll wearable jean. In terms of the maternity line, I think we’re going to continue our strong bodies and update the washes, probably go a little cleaner. The washes will be a little bit clearer–not so much tinting. In terms of pocket trends, we’re going into more stitching and color stitching.

Celebrities Debra Messing, Kate Hudson, and Sarah Jessica Parker have requested Bella Dahl Maternity. This is a testimony to a jean that grows with your pregnancy. Who says you have to be out of style to be pregnant?

Interview by Kaylene Peoples

Timmy Woods – Creating Collectible Handbags that are Pieces of Art

I met handbag designer Timmy Woods at the WWD Magic show in Las Vegas almost a year ago. Her gallery-like booth was filled with colorful, sparkly handcrafted items. These pieces of art immediately attracted the attention of everyone around. A colleague and I perused her display and were duly impressed. Breathtaking, well-crafted, one-of-a-kind, wood-crafted clutches are all accurate descriptions of Timmy Woods’ one-of-a-kind collectible handbags.

In 1985 Timmy started designing and manufacturing leather handbags, which were immediately placed in Bergdorf, Bendel’s, and Bloomingdale’s. She then accepted a position in a Fortune 500 company, Oxford Industries, to design Ken Done for the U.S.A. After a serious injury in a car accident, Timmy worked for her father, a real estate developer, and became extremely successful in the real estate market. But none of these positions proved as rewarding as designing collectible handbags.

Timmy went to UCLA, she attended the University of Heidelberg for a short while, she took courses at the University of Singapore, and she attended FIT. Her teacher looked at her one day and she said, “Why don’t you just get out of here and do what you have to do!”

I walked out of there and shook my head and wondered what was I going to do. That is when I started making my leather handbags.

Timmy’s grown children (a son who’s an attorney and a daughter who is a housewife) were part of the reason she began creating handbags. She knew she would miss them terribly. They were at the phase of their lives where they didn’t really need her around. So she gave birth to a new child–Timmy Woods Beverly Hills. The bags are individually designed, and most are commissioned works of art. It is quite a process she goes through when creating them.

First and foremost, it all starts with fallen Acacia trees. The tree trunks are sliced into sections, and each section of wood is cut into its basic shape. Using high-speed blades, the interior is hollowed out. The shaping process of the handbag begins to take form, which completes the initial scooping of the interior. The wood shapes are soaked for 24 hours in water to release any residue left on the wood and to prevent discoloration. The wood is oven and air dried to prevent warping. After drying is completed, the shape receives an initial sanding. The wood is then sent to the carving department to receive the initial carving of the basic character form. With each step of the shaping process, the character continues to emerge. The wood is re-sculpted in each step, constantly refining the process of smaller cuts within the wood. The process continues until all of the details of the character are completed and the final figure is completed.

The hinges for each bag are cut individually, and a matching piece is created to exactly fit into the hinge opening. Holes are bored into the wood to insert the hook for the closure device. The bags are hand sanded 3 times to ensure uniform smoothness. Each piece is coated with sealer to protect the wood pores. The bags are painted with a base coat, either white or black, then detailed and finished. In the final assembly department, the shoulder straps are attached, the lining is inserted, and the hinges are closed. The shoulder strap is dropped in, and the international certificate of originality is enclosed in the lining pocket.

Inside each of Timmy’s bag, is a certificate of acquisition, which the purchaser mails to her gallery. The owner becomes a member of the Beverly Hills collectors’ society, which gives the access to limited edition collectible handbags available only to Timmy Woods’ selected clientele. Timmy Woods’ bags are festive, yet fashionable. Her clients love the uniqueness of their collector’s item. Her bags have holiday, sport, university, animal, charity, and political themes. She has even sculpted King Tut.

If I make a sculpture, they’re usually custom for a client, but I really learned a lot about what people like and don’t like by doing these bags.

Celebrities flock to her designs because they are the perfect red carpet accessories, and the list of A-list celebrity clients is impressive. Liz Taylor, Diana Ross, Melanie Griffith, Maya Angelou, and Hillary Clinton, just to name a few, collect Timmy’s bags. She has even created bags for the White House and Governor Schwarzenneger.

Timmy believes that it is really important to give back to the community. She makes a little mirror of Sworovsky crystals with the breast cancer symbol, which can be worn around the neck or just carried in the wallet, and a handbag and a wallet, the proceeds all of which go to help cure cancer.

Timmy doesn’t just do wood bags; she also does leather bags with a variety of themes. She has recently started making fancy wooden tops with leather on the body. She also uses fur and faux fur on some of her bags.

I’m trying to teach my workers in the Philippines how to sew leather, and it has proven to be extremely challenging. They’ve been doing wood for so long, and there are so many different methods that need to be used when you are trying to cut leather into more than one piece. You’re not going to cut it with scissors; you’re going to cut it with a knife, and you have to think in terms of waste.

Highest High

When I showed my bags at a show in Paris and won an award. The French were really anti-American at the time. People walked past me and told me they would not buy my bags because I was American. I got voted one of the most creative designers at the show by the press. That was really exciting. My second high was having Carrie from “Sex in the City” wear one of my bags on the show.

Lowest Low

When you really can’t pay people, when you know that you’re really great, that your designs are appreciated, and you look at your bills and you think, “Oh my God, how am I going to get this covered today?” That gets hard, especially, the fact that I’m a designer. I’m not necessarily always good with numbers. I try to surround myself with people who are. My choices are not always great. It’s my Achilles’ heel, and I don’t like to owe people money.

Timmy is inspired by her love of art and fashion, which is obvious to anyone who sees her exquisitely crafted collectible handbags. They are created with love, and the utmost attention to detail is given to each individual handbag.

For more information about Timmy Woods Beverly Hills, visitwww.timmywoods.com to view her collection.

Interview by Kaylene Peoples

Brian Dean – Dispelling the Myths and Misconceptions of Hypnosis

Brian Dean: Dispelling the Myth, Mystery, and Misconception of Hypnosis

Brian Dean is a certified hypnotherapist, who for twenty years was a voice-over actor. He did numerous television commercials, broadcast commercials, movie trailers, and industrial training films. Thirteen years ago while in Seattle working in a recording studio, Brian was approached by a hypnotist in the booth next to his and who had just happened to hear his voice. He commented that Brian would make a terrific hypnotist.

I looked at him like he was crazy. I had never given that a thought in my life.

About a year and a half later, Brian enrolled in a hypnotherapy-training institute here in Los Angeles, one of the best in the world. He received his first level of certification and later his bachelor’s in clinical hypnotherapy.

Brian insists that there is nothing about the voice or its tonality that makes a good hypnotist. It’s just an extra bonus since hypnosis is so clearly based in communication. Coming from a voice-over background is his explanation as to why people enjoy his voice so much. Even now, people recognize his voice from his years as a voice-over actor. Brian jokes and says his mother always said he had a good face for radio.

When you start telling your friends and your family that you’re going to be a hypnotherapist, they can’t grasp what that means. And the first thing that people think of is you mean the guy that makes people cluck like a chicken and bark like a dog? This is a myth that was created back in the 20s. And as it relates to hypnotherapy, nothing could be further from the truth, or represent the industry worse than that kind of comment.

Most people’s introduction to hypnosis is usually in an entertainment setting—not a clinical setting. When Brian is doing hypnosis for entertainment, he’s not working on a positive behavioral change. He’s just doing a demonstration of how the subconscious mind can interpret a particular suggestion and act it out in that person’s reality. However, in a clinical setting, Brian is actually there to do work—invoke a positive behavioral change of some sort, whether to stop smoking, lose weight, or manage stress.

Understanding hypnotherapy and how it works is just a very involved process. The subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between what is real or vividly imagined. If your subconscious mind accepts a particular suggestion, it has no choice but to act it out as your reality.

Daydreaming, reading a book, and watching a movie are all forms of intense focused concentration, creating images and pictures within your mind. So a hypnotic state is around us all the time, and is very natural. However, is everyone willing to allow a practitioner to guide him/her into a hypnotic state? One of the myths and misconceptions about hypnosis is that there is some sort of control that the hypnotist has over the subject’s mind. But, everything that occurs within hypnosis is within full control of the subject. So there is no mind control.

I can give you a suggestion to turn left, and you can say, “Yes, I’ll turn left.” But then I say let’s turn right, and you say, “No, I don’t want to turn right. I’m going to stay in park.” This small analogy demonstrates that in hypnosis you are in full control. You’re in more control in a state of hypnosis than you are in an alert, awake state because your attention is at an increased and focused level.

So, can anybody be hypnotized?

Yes, we all hypnotize ourselves. Will all people allow a practitioner to guide them into a hypnotic state? No. You have to be completely willing. It’s your decision, and you have to be in control of what happens.

There are different types of inductions, which are merely different processes of guiding somebody into a state of hypnosis—an altered state of consciousness in which the subject is never unconscious at any time—even though to the person watching, it may appear that the subject is unconscious. The eyes are certainly closed, but the subject can hear what the practitioner is saying at all times.

How do you hypnotize someone?

I use a progressive guided relaxation induction, which is wonderful for the physical benefits because it allows people to guide their body into a very relaxed state; and once the body is relaxed, the mind follows, making the mind very subjective to the powerful suggestions that I would offer. They would either choose to accept or reject them. However, there are other people that do require different inductions because their mind processes information differently.

One of the things that I do with people initially, working one on one, is called an intake. I address what positive outcome they’d like to have. Then, I do a trance assessment on them, guiding them into a state of hypnosis by immersing them or bringing them up at the end and being able to talk about the level of trance I was able to observe. Hopefully, that type of induction will work for them; if not, we’ll have to try another type of induction.

Brian specializes in helping people to stop smoking, to reduce stress, and to manage weight. Stress reduction cuts across every demographic in every life situation. All three of these areas are very popular.

I saw Brian on a cruise ship last March, and even though I had seen hypnotists in an entertainment setting as far back as high school, I was impressed at how the volunteers actually believed they were the outrageous personalities Brian had assigned to them. One man was turned into an uptight no-nonsense cop who was supposed to monitor all laughter. He became irate whenever the audience laughed. He threatened to arrest us all if we didn’t stop laughing. A young woman morphed so deeply into her new personality she mooned the audience. A grown man reverted to a child who got a boo boo on his finger and could have won an Oscar for his convincing portrayal as a 5-year-old. When they came out of their trance, they immediately reverted to their original personalities, each ignorant of their recent actions.

Once they accept that suggestion into their subconscious mind and they do believe it, their physical being has to act it out as if it is true because it can’t tell the difference.

Those of you who know me might find it hard to believe that I have a fear of public speaking. But to overcome my fear, I get my subconscious mind to accept and believe that I do not. Thus, I act out of my physical being as if I do not have that fear. That’s how I overcome my own phobias.

How do you tap into your subconscious mind?

Hypnosis allows us to bypass what’s called the critical factor of our conscious mind. We’re all working in our critical factor now–we’re analyzing, judging, sorting details and information. Our critical factor also sorts through and usually discards positive suggestions of change. Here’s the interesting thing about our mind. The negative suggestions have an open and free pathway right into our subconscious mind. Anything we hear that’s negative we immediately accept as true. However, the positive aspects of our lives we tend to question. So hypnosis allows us to bypass that critical factor, allowing an open and free pathway into the subconscious mind. Your mind then adopts four attitudes about any suggestion that I would give a client:

• I’m uncomfortable with that suggestion.

• I’m neutral.

• I like that suggestion; I’ll give it a try, and I hope it works.

• I like that suggestion; I know it will work.

Number 4 is the only attitude where power of suggestion of change will actually stay in your subconscious mind. Why our subconscious mind? Because that’s where all of our behavior is located.

If I tell somebody he/she is the world’s greatest piano player, and that person is playing incredibly—like he/she has been playing for 50 years—it’s because that suggestion has gone to that person’s subconscious mind. The person adopted the attitude “I like that suggestion; I know it will work.” The person has to act out in the physical being that it’s real. He/she cannot tell the difference. The same can be applied to smoking, overeating, and stress.

What advice do you give people who want to see a hypnotist, and more specifically, to lose weight?

One of the problems we’re faced with as Americans is that we’re always barraged with advertisements of magic little pills that will melt the pounds away while you sleep. This is just a con on the consumer. And we all want immediate results for taking no other change. We want to be able to pay $40, $50 for a bottle of magic pills where the weight will just fall off instantly. That’s not going to happen. Before you can actually lose weight or manage your weight, you need to understand the reason you’re overweight in the first place. Hypnosis is not appropriate in weight management for people whose weight issues are because of physiology, or changes in their metabolic rate. But if you’re simply an overweight overeater, and you know what puts weight on you, then you are a candidate. We can address that behavior to be able to change that.

My biggest clientele are people that have had gastric bypass surgery. Their physical but not their mental being has changed. Their behavior didn’t change prior to the surgery. I am working with those people to be able to change their outlook on how they view food. Typically, in 30-50 weeks, clients will be able to see some really long-term change. This is not a quick fix. People tend to see me last, because they have tried and failed at everything else. So when they come into my office, they say, “I sure hope this works. I’ll give it a try.” Their subconscious mind is interpreting it as failure.

The first thing Brian has to do is re-frame their thinking and belief system to invoke a behavioral change which will be something they will be able to carry with them throughout their life. It will not allow them to lose 20 pounds by the end of the month. There is no simple way out–this applies to smoking and stress management, too. Hypnosis is the tool that reinforces that change.

What are some of the taboos about hypnotists?

I think it goes back to people misunderstanding. I am thrilled to be answering this because I travel all over the world lecturing. And the first and foremost thing that I am out there to do is to get rid of myth, mystery, and misconception. The biggest misconception that people have about hypnosis is that I have a mysterious power and I am controlling people’s minds. Not true. When people fully understand that hypnosis is a natural state that we all go into naturally every single day of our lives, and as a practitioner, all I am doing with your willingness is allowing you to guide you into something that you do naturally. But most people go back to what television and the movies have portrayed hypnotists to be—that it is evil mind control. That’s the biggest stereotype that I have to overcome. All this does is breed fear and discredits our profession. Things that we don’t understand, we dismiss as fakery or evil—and it’s neither. My goal is to educate people and dispel that myth, mystery, and misconception.

How did you become so successful?

Belief. I live in a world of infinite possibilities. I have a belief system that is not boxed in. And the difference between people that fail, struggle, and completely give up, is completely based in their belief system. I’m very fortunate. I was raised from a child where my parents said I could do anything in the world I wanted to do. I took that as a belief when I was a little kid. The problem with most people is they either have such limiting beliefs or no beliefs in themselves at all. So until you have a strong empowering belief, you can’t ever accomplish goals.

Brian wants to get people that are 19-21 years old, that are coming into the world with very limiting belief systems, and be able to change that, reframe the way they’re thinking, and the way they view the world and themselves. He wants to show them that everything is a possibility.

Every major successful entrepreneur became that because they saw themselves as that before it even happened. One of my favorite stories was when Walt Disney wrote Open in Orlando, back in 1971—Walt died in 1965. His brother Roy was on hand to do the grand opening. A reporter said to Roy that it was too bad that Walt wasn’t there to see this. And Roy turned to him and said, “He did see this—that’s why it’s here.” That’s just a great example of being able to have a belief system that allows you to see something, and then make it a reality. I love that story!

To learn more about Brian Dean, visit www.doctortrance.com

Interview by Kaylene Peoples

Dear Adina – The 21st Century Dear Abby

Dear Adina

Your 21st Century Dear Abby

Dilemma 1

Dear Adina,
I have a real problem. I live around the corner from a very nice guy. We say hello to each other when I walk my dog. We became friends and I invited him to accompany me to a few functions. I always thought of him as just a friend, but I just discovered that he has been pining for me for three years! Now I am a divorced woman in my forties and am perfectly happy living alone. However, he has been very pushy about being with me. I finally gave in to his desires and went out on a date. He came on so strong that I didn’t know how to react. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to get married. I didn’t know how to respond. I have never had a guy come on so strong so fast before. He took offense when I didn’t reciprocate his feelings. The truth is I actually do care for him, but just not the way he cares for me. I feel in time, my feelings could grow. But he keeps rushing me to return his sentiment. Is this normal? The poor guy seems really desperate. I’m afraid I might have a stalker on my hands and I am not sure what my next move should be. But I am beginning to fall for him. Adina, how should I proceed?

Forced to Feel,
Samantha

—Adina’s Response—

Dear Friendly Neighbor,
It seems like your buddy is quite smitten by you. It reminds me of that When Harry Met Sally scene where Harry tells Sally that men and women could never just be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. I personally think friendship is the best way to start a relationship. You have common interests, you obviously enjoy spending time with this person, and there is already a solid foundation of trust and mutual respect on which to build a budding romance. But you just have to take it slow and listen to your instincts. Be open to your friend about how you feel…after all, friends should be able to tell each other everything! Make sure you let your friend know that you do have feelings for him, but you don’t want to rush into a relationship. Let him know how it makes you feel when he is too pushy or forward, and explain to him that he needs to give you space to reciprocate. I know that it can be scary opening up yourself to love again, especially after you have established an independent life for yourself and are happy alone. I am sure it is all these wonderful, strong, self-assured qualities which attracted your friend to you in the first place. But if and when you are ready to open your heart up to the possibilities of love, it looks as though you have a man waiting with open arms and an open heart.
Adina

Dilemma 2

Dear Adina,
I have been married for three years and I am totally fed up with my in-laws! Every time my husband and I go over to their house, they always say things that are totally inappropriate. I guess I should give you a little background. I am an African American female and my husband is Caucasian. Every time I am over there, they always make a point to draw undue attention to my race somehow, like commenting on my hair, or comparing me to derogatory stereotypes. Sometimes, they even use racial slurs in front of me. Of course, they don’t think they’re prejudiced at all. But to me, I feel so insulted. I have said things to my husband about it, but he doesn’t really know what to do about it. I have even confronted these people about their behavior, and they just say they never meant to hurt my feelings. But they keep doing it. It has made me so uncomfortable that I don’t ever want to see them again, but of course this would only drive a rift between my husband and me. Please help.

Tired of being the Victim,
Wanda

—Adina’s Response—

Dear Fed Up with the In-laws,
I understand that you must feel completely fed up with this situation. It’s so frustrating trying to get through to people who don’t understand the repercussions of their words. But instead of feeling like this is a battle of you against them, try to think of it as an opportunity to educate people who don’t know any better. You said that your in-laws are not intending to sound prejudiced or to hurt your feelings, so try not to feel hurt by their thoughtless words. Instead, next time they make an inappropriate joke or comment, be clear that you find it offensive. Try explaining to your husband how their comments make you feel and ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed. It is important that you are comfortable around your in-laws and it is equally important to know that your husband has your side and will do whatever he can to resolve the situation. Talking about racial issues can be uncomfortable for some people, but an open dialog allows for a common understanding and appreciation of all the qualities which make us unique.

Adina

Dilemma 3

Dear Adina,
I have a friend who has really bad B.O. Everybody notices it. I have been known to tell people the truth, but I am tired of being the bad guy all the time. I don’t really want to be the person that hurts her feelings. But her personal hygiene is unbearable. What would you suggest I do? I’m tired of hearing other people talk about her to me. So do I have to be the one to tell her?

Holding My Breath,
Tracy

—Adina’s Response—
Dear Waiting to Inhale,
Think of it this way. If you had a big piece of food stuck in your teeth and you went about your daily routine without anyone saying a word, how would you feel? Maybe a little embarrassed? And probably very mad at your friends for not pointing it out to you! Well, this is a similar situation. I’m sure your friend doesn’t realize how bad her BO is. She will definitely be embarrassed when you point it out, but don’t worry, you won’t be the bad guy this time. The other people who make comments behind her back and say nothing to her are the bad guys in this scenario. There are tactful ways to bring up the subject. Suggest a fabulous new deodorant or body wash you found that she just has to try. Maybe even buy her a bottle. I’m sure she’ll get the hint.

Adina

You can email your dilemmas to adina@agendamag.com. It’s okay, tell Adina all about it. Just remember to include your first name and age. Oh yeah, guys are welcome too.

The Beauty Agenda

Sexy Spring

Written by Patricia Lee

Beauty Q & A

Q: I noticed that the new makeup looks for spring emphasize the appearance of fresh, glowing, clean skin. The cold winter weather left my skin a bit flaky and dull. How can I get rid of my skin¹s dull-looking appearance?

A: With winter weather, cold, dry air attacks skin and can leave it dry, dehydrated, and desperately needing hydration and/or moisture. At times, even much needed moisture can’t curtail the dull-looking skin winter leaves behind. To battle blah-looking skin, one may wish to try a gentle exfoliating scrub, such as Kiehl’s Pineapple Papaya Facial Scrub, which helps to slough away skin dulling cells. Containing pineapple and papaya, these earthly enzymes naturally nix those trying dead skin cells. Another amazing alternative offered at drug and department stores are at home microdermabrasion kits, such as Neutrogena’s Advanced Solutions At Home MicroDermabrasion Kit. Though a bit more potent, these must-have miracle workers exfoliate the dead surface skin cells, promote cell renewal, and leave skin softer and more rejuvenated. Follow up with the appropriate moisturizer or hydrator to maintain your skin’s suppleness. With fresher looking skin, you are ready to welcome spring.

Q: I’m in my late twenties and am curious about anti-aging foundations. I have a few fine lines and am wondering if I should opt for this sort of product. Any suggestions?

Spring Picks

Tried and Tested:

Ahh, Spring!!! The cute, coquettish looks of spring call for an equally pretty makeup look. One can effortlessly achieve an adoringly amorous look with femininely, flirty lashes. Our pick: Stila¹s Fiber Optics Mascara ($12.50). Coating every lash with micro fibers, it produces positively pretty, plumped-up lashes for that desired doe-eye, minus the drying and clumping. Falsies have nothing on these babies.

Spring Sexiness:

Tied and twisted, this season’s must have tempts and tantalizes with a visual game of peek-a-boo. From white hot white, teasing turquoise, or captivating chocolate to sweet pink, eye-grabbing green, or bewitching black, crocheted and eyelet pieces, alone or entwined with other refreshing fabrics and colors, charm in a clever yet classy fashion. Throw on a few gold/gold-toned accessories with an organic twist, such as intricate hoops, layered necklaces, or bracelets, and you’re good to go.

A few favorites:

Hard Tail Lace Goddess Tank Hazel Tie Front Camisole BCBG Girls “Kirstie” Crocheted Top

($56) ($78) ($68)

Get Glammed:

Delightfully complement the lighthearted fun of spring styles with equally pretty, uncomplicated colors. We love:

Dior Addict Nail Color:

Pretty Putty (380) Rose Reflex (250)

Sephora Nail Polish:

Sheer Baby Pink (22) Nude Mauve (21) Iridescent Gold Peach-Pink (23

Book Review – A Million Little Pieces – Author James Frey

A Million Little Pieces

James Frey

Reviewed by Lee Lemon Peoples

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and was not at all bothered by all the controversy. Yes, I agree Frey should have called it fiction––autobiographical fiction––because even without being told, I knew that much of what he wrote had to be an embellishment of the truth or just downright fiction. As Gabriel Garcia Marquez notes at the beginning of his memoir Living to Tell the Tale, “Life is not what one lived, but what one remembers and how one remembers it in order to recount it.” (He received the Nobel Prize for his novel One Hundred Years of Solitude.)

James Frey in A Million Little Pieces tells the story of how he overcame his drug and alcohol addiction. Upon entering the rehab center, his life was virtually in a million little pieces, echoed by his simple style of writing. Simple, staccato-like sentences, dialogue without the usual quotation marks move the action steadily along. I have great empathy for anyone who fights to overcome an addiction of any kind, especially one that is as destructive as the drugs to which he was addicted. During the initial screening, he admits to the nurse his use of “alcohol, cocaine, pills, acid, mushrooms, meth, PCP, and glue.”

James at the time was twenty-three and resided in North Carolina. Someone had put him on an airplane from Washington, D. C., to Chicago. He was badly beaten and bleeding, and he had no recollection of what had happened to him. When he arrived in Chicago, his parents convinced him to enter the clinic. They had received a call from the friend who told them he had fallen face first down an elevator shaft and that he thought they should find him some help. Given the only choice he had, James agreed to seek help. He entered the oldest residential drug and alcohol treatment facility in the world. The facility, located in Massachusetts, has the highest success rate of any other facility: about seventeen percent––patients who are sober one year after they leave. Both men and women are treated here, and one of the strictest rules is there is to be no contact between the sexes other than hello and good-bye. However, very early in his rehabilitation, he meets Lilly. They fall in love, further complicating both their recoveries.

He forms close friendships with other recovering addicts, among whom was Leonard, a special friend and the subject of another book My Friend Leonard.

Many of the personnel are former addicts: Ken, his counselor; Lincoln, his unit supervisor; Joanne, a staff psychologist.

In the end, James is successful in overcoming his addiction, and that is what matters.

Insights – One Thing at a Time

Insights

One Thing at a Time

I often take on too many things at once. I believe I am a master juggler when it comes to life, and I try to do it all. I work full time, go to school, take care of my kids. I even try to go on auditions. I just want to be happy, and I haven’t been able to give anything up because I want to do everything.

A couple of years ago I was dead set on learning German. I wanted to speak it fluently. I attempted to take courses until I realized that my brain could only handle one thing at a time and that one thing more would have been too much.

One thing at a time: that is something that I haven’t accepted. I don’t have to be like everyone else. I can do it all. I can learn it all. This has been a year of one defeat after another, and I realize that I have to slow down.

I’ve come home exhausted from working and too tired to study advanced physics of all things. I’ve been too tired to listen to the ones I love tell me about their day, their life, their dreams. And yes, I’m interested, but I’m too exhausted to give.

Now the question is, what should I give up? How do I let go? How can I keep what’s important and keep up this pace? I have to find something to let go.

I have had some really tough obstacles to face lately. My children are grown but are still dependent on me. I am not rich, but I want to do everything for them. I have been running all over the place trying to do everything and doing it badly.

The Taoist believes the only constant is change and even the most repetitive tasks vary if only within narrow limits. To contemplate and investigate the various sequences of change will engender tranquility that arises when loss, decay, and death are recognized as being no less essential to the whole than gain, growth, and life. Investigation permits one to see within certain limits that which will be inevitable.

Where can I find another me to do the other half of what I have no time to do?

Yesterday I ran to the Buddhist temple. I have been longing for a place of refuge where I could find peace. I have been driving myself so hard I’ve needed to take a break because this camel’s back has been about to break.

One last straw is all it took. My son asked me to go across town in one direction when I was headed in another direction. I had to make him find his own way and I wasn’t sure he could because he depends totally on me. At least that is what I thought.

Boy was I wrong! Everyone can find his/her own way without me. Everyone can decide to be independent of me. I can declare my independence and live in my freedom. Nathan found a friend to take him home.

During meditation at the Buddhist temple yesterday, I found my mind wandering a thousand different places. Then I had a moment of clarity when I heard the teacher say the human mind can only process one thing at a time. That caught my attention.

Americans are multi-taskers and jugglers. I am a master juggler, but lately I’ve been dropping the balls all over the ground. It has been very frustrating.

One thing at a time. That is all I can do. What a relief. That is all anyone can do. I don’t have to conquer the world, implement world peace, and solve advanced physics. I can just take it one step at a time. I can smell the roses, sip some tea, burn a candle, and breathe.

That’s how life is, a stepwise equation. We can only go where our feet will carry us, and they can only carry us one step at a time. I can give myself permission to take it slow. I can say no to some things. I can slow down and breathe.

I’m exhausted. At least now I can take a deep breath. I took several deep breaths while my mind was wandering through meditation. That was when I realized that I was taking one breath at a time.

When I was a child, I suffered with asthma. A clean unrestricted breath is as delicious to me as a glass of purified water to a man emerging from the desert. I lost my wandering and found myself enjoying the process of breathing. I felt my lungs expanding while I let the air in and out, in and out, in and out.

As I walked to my car, I was surprised at how good it felt to breathe in slowly and out slowly. As I take my breath, I will contemplate the wisdom of taking things one step at a time.

Simply Single – Men & Women: The Ambiguity of Actions and the Saving Grace of Straightforwardness

Simply Single

Men & Women: The Ambiguity of Actions and the Saving Grace of Straightforwardness

Page 1

It can happen during the most inopportune or most fitting of times, and it can strike anywhere. From buying lunch at a deli, browsing a supermarket isle, or busing it to work, to walking one’s dog, waiting at the doctor’s office, or working out at the gym, individuals evaluate one another. Depending on their single status or sometimes even lack thereof, gutsy guys and gals approach the apple of their eye, attempting to break the ice and achieve a friendly rapport with hopes it may lead to more. In addition to proactive pursuers, silent, shy, or secretive souls and conversation-starters who strike up small talk with anyone and everyone due to their outgoing, unassuming, friendly nature, coexist together. With most unable to read minds and figure out the romantic intent of most strangers, acquaintances, and even friends, many find it easier to let their wall down around those to whom they are not attracted or those of the sex to which they aren’t attracted, for it can often be easier to assume they are harmless and motiveless. Once unguarded, individuals feel more at ease with being themselves, comfortably chatting, contacting, cooking up plans, cracking jokes, and the like. Processing and perceiving interactions, situations, and events involving the sex(es) to which one is attracted individually and independently, one’s perceptions of what another is conveying influences and creates one’s sense of reality, which can lead to miscommunication. Considering individual complexities and perceptions, can one prevent another from misreading, misinterpreting, and mistaking platonic kindness and actions as something more? Are explanations and definitions needed to prevent such misunderstandings? Why can well spelled out actions and intentions still suffer some sort of ambiguity to which we are unaware?

From friendly, forward, or forthcoming to wary, wishy-washy, or withdrawn, individual psyches and personalities vary just as a candy store varies in a plethora of assortments. Despite the appearance or one’s opinion of any sugarcoated sweet, one often must taste or try a confection before coming to any real conclusion about it. Similarly, since appearances and assessments deceive in the dating world, one must interact with another to form a conclusion or an opinion about the person. Depending on one’s impression of another, he/she continues or cuts off communication with the person for various reasons. Working at the same firm, Alana and Josh quickly befriended one another. Outgoing and friendly, Alana felt comfortable talking about everything and anything, so long as the other person was just open-minded.

Warming quickly to Josh’s candid personality, they took regular smoke and lunch breaks together and shared serious, silly, and sordid stories on politics, life, and dating. Alana loved her rapport with Josh, relieved that they shared a perfect platonic relationship, unlike most men who often approached her with the intent towards or hopes for something more. She often though to herself, “This is great! Josh is a cool guy with whom I can talk and joke about anything. It’s nice to know there are guys out there who want to be a woman’s friend and nothing more.” About six months into their friendship, during a smoke break, Josh asked, “If you weren’t dating Mike, you’d date me, wouldn’t you?” Shocked and surprised by the unexpected question, Alana laughed. “No, I wouldn’t,” she chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief at the question. “You would, wouldn’t you? I think you would.” He earnestly offered. Hiding her discomfort, she smiled, calmly reiterating, “No, I wouldn’t, Josh. Seriously. Why?” From that moment on, their rapport changed from chummy companions to awkward acquaintances. Misinterpretation of their dynamics created two disparate views of Alana and Josh’s rapport. While Alana thought their friendship was completely platonic, Josh misconstrued the combination of her openness and their ritual breaks and lunches as a sign of potential interest. Alana wondered how Josh could have assumed there was more to their friendship. She had often openly talked about the man she dated, plainly pointed out Josh wasn’t her type, and consistently treated him like a buddy.

Dynamics between individuals, in which one or both could potentially be attracted, like any other type of relationship, can fall prey to subjective interpretation at all times. Frequently, communication between these individuals ends up much like a game of Telephone. Let’s say Marie meets Todd at a get together, and they immediately hit it off. As captivating conversations create an air of comfort around them, Marie feels Todd would make a fun friend and companion, since they seem to share much in common. In Todd’s mind, the chemistry confirms Marie’s budding interest for him. Both feel the other shares the same sentiment, and a “friendship” develops. Viewing his company as guaranteed good times, Marie calls to invite Todd to swanky soirees, cappuccinos at the coffeehouse, and movie matinees. To Todd, Marie’s increased invitations display her developing affections toward him. For instance, Marie would casually say, “Hey, what are you up to? Do you want to grab a cup of coffee?” Todd’s interpretation? Hi, Todd. I want to see you; do you want to grab a cup of coffee? With ever growing feelings, Todd began to obsess about Marie. As his feelings grew, he began obsessing about her, fabricating false illusions in his mind about the state of their “relationship.” Noticing a difference in his demeanor, Marie kept her distance to prevent any misunderstanding, causing Todd to become irritated by her change in behavior. Following a confrontation, during which Todd confessed his fervent feelings and Marie professed a purely platonic one, their “friendship” came to an end.

Comparable to the game of Telephone, messages transmitted from one to another lose some of their original meaning and become distorted by paraphrases. Add human nature into the equation, and the situation increases in complexity, for individuals subject words to various connotations, denotations, and interpretations; a recipient’s own interpretation or idea of the story or situation inevitably influences how a message is received and processed. At times failing to take things at face value, individuals attempt to read in between the lines in search for some sort of subtext, since all actions contain some level of intent. For instance, a good-natured woman smiling and chatting could be seen by another as a flirt. Similarly, a personable and honest man complimenting a young lady could be seen by the young lady as just a dirty pervert who wants to try to get into her pants. Moments, instances, conversations, and interactions can fall victim to individual interpretation; the perceived subtext affects the comprehension of any given incident, giving way to erroneous presumptions.

Perplexing and plentiful, individual personalities and psyches drive, direct, and dominate both sexes. Perhaps as a result of nature, nurture, or both, men and women often communicate, channel, and comprehend circumstances differently, though some prove not unlike each other in cognitive and behavioral processes. Throwing sex into the formula activates attachment in some and further complicates situations. With scads of character and ego variations to last us days to discover and discuss, let’s consider three types from both sexes to simplify things a bit. For the most part, a large majority of men operate as “hunters,” seeking out and having sex with women that range from acceptable to appealing. For such singles, friendliness and sociability come easily and often act as a means to an end; the energy exerted frequently serves to win over an individual with whom they want to hook up.

Comprised of those ranging from shy, sensitive, or self-conscious to skittish, solicitous, or schizo, wariness, fear, and/or baggage influence the second group of singles. Victims of past experiences, personal demons, or perceptions of oneself, this group of singles often branches out into two subgroups: the emotionally evasive and the emotionally addicted. For the emotionally evasive, the issues one endures lead one to build a wall protecting one’s emotions, using various forms of behavior, such as infidelity. On the other hand, often lacking luck or struggling a bit in the dating area, the emotionally addicted often fall susceptible to emotional commitment in most all types of relationships and interactions. Consequently, many experience premature attachment and/or different levels of obsession. From nice to neurotic, the emotionally addicted frequently fail to take rejection well and tend to turn a deaf ear to hints of disinterest, choosing instead to perpetually pursue the object of their affections. Finally, varying from charming or captivating to calculating or careful, some single men easily meet, attract, and date women, yet for reasons only they or their psyches can explain, like a bruised ego, the dynamics of a relationship shifts from one of detachment to one of attachment and/or obsession.

Just as there are a plethora of personality types for men, there exist plenty for women as well. Whether through nature or nurture, most women tend to nurture others in various ways, ranging from caring for others, chatting away, or conducting themselves nicely to consorting with others, considering another’s feelings, or creating a cozy atmosphere. Moreover, often raised in an environment that promotes verbal communication, many women possess a higher propensity towards sociability. As a result, when approached, most women fail to quickly ignore and reject conversation starters, politely engaging desirable and detesting conversations.

In addition to sympathetic socializers, there exist some women purely driven by sex. Similar to their male counterparts, these forward females usually suffer no emotional attachment. Scoping out and hooking up with men, they commonly disassociate sex with love, view sex as no big deal, fall short of getting attached through sex, and prove more apt to rejecting conversation starters that waste their time. Then, there remains a group which socializes to an extent, but contains a range of women, including the anti-social, shy, inexperienced, unlucky in dating, and insecure. Ordinarily lacking in wisdom attained from age, experience, or security, this group can mistake sex and kindness as more and can become attached quite easily, for attention, physical relationships, and the like provide validation they seek and need.

What happens when you throw the ample assortment of men and women into one pot? One gets room for mix-ups, misreads, and misjudgments leading to experiences of heartbreak, horror, or headache. Tall, slender, cute, and extremely personable, Erica garnered ample attention, yet nearly all relationships, mutual commitments and casual affairs ended shortly with former beaus headed for the hills. During each short-lived romance, Erica earnestly expressed belief that each suitor was “the one” and carried on as such. Suffering from insecurity issues––a home with an unloving father, and no desire to cultivate any intellect––her modus operandi consisted of flirting for attention, constant coddling, superficial conversations, over obsessing, and attempts at appealing as “perfect wife” material. In her mind, she believed the manner in which she was carrying on appealed to men and attracted those seeking a commitment. On the other hand, the objects of her affection often sought the momentary or decided she wasn’t serious material after a bit of dating, resulting in a clash of dialogue, spoken and unspoken. She lamented a beau’s complaint that they didn’t talk about much and his decision to “hang out” at her house for a mere hour or two before attending a get-together without her. I suggested she initiate and partake in conversations involving topics he’d find interesting, other than superficial, sans substance small talk. Afraid she would misunderstand my suggestion, I explained that engaging her beau in dialogue on topics relating to concerns exhibited her interest in his life and things pertaining to him. Furthermore, it would provide that extra “something” to keep him interested, for looks and the physical fade. Flustered, she snapped, “What do you mean? I don’t know what you mean by that.” Occupied with the outward and suffering vulnerabilities superficial, frivolous thoughts and concerns enveloped her world. Despite any well-meaning recommendations from friends, she mistook their advice as criticism and attacks on her character, stunting her from seeing the bigger picture and seeking self-growth. Instead, pleasing and immersing herself with the man in her life took precedence over all else; this in turn created fertile ground necessary in planting seeds of obsession and premature attachment.

For example, while dating Dave, Erica slept with him early on, believing that such intimacy confirmed his interest in wanting more than just the casual. Each act of kindness or moment of fun further underscored her belief that things were getting serious, and he was “the one.” To Dave, on the other hand, his actions meant nothing more than a manifestation of his feelings at that moment. Nice and fun loving, Dave treated almost everyone kindly and politely. Dating Erica proved no different; he treated her as he would anyone else, with the added detail that they slept together. In his eyes, it was what it was an nothing more, which conflicted with Erica’s notion that their relationship was headed towards seriousness. Due to her personality, past, and psyche, she couldn’t simply take things at face value, unnecessarily adding more worth to things only to set herself up for disappointment. As the relationship fizzled, Erica grew distraught and eventually heartbroken. Mistaking his actions as more, she blinded herself from seeing the true nature of the relationship, assumed he wanted more, and endured a painful letdown.

Breezing through the aisles at Ralphs, Allie maneuvered to make her shopping safari short. Spotting her in the produce section, Jake approached Allie, attempting to break the ice with his rendition of charm and wit. Possessing a pleasant, polite personality, Allie found it difficult to ignore strangers, sometimes even the scumbags. As he rambled on, she wanted badly to bolt, for she found him annoying, aggressive, and aesthetically unpleasing. Instead of doing so, she continued to listen, courteously conversing, with a strained smile. When Jake asked for her number, she quickly revealed she had a boyfriend; yet Jake remained relentless, attempting to hand his business card to her. In his mind, despite her non-single status, her receptiveness reinforced her potential interest in him. Trying hard not to publicly injure his ego, yet praying he would disappear, Allie graciously grabbed the business card he offered with hopes he would scurry away afterwards. He left on top of the world, assuming he held some chance with her. Cocky and confident, individuals like Jake cannot take subtle hints, for they truly think they are a desirable catch. In such instances, it proves prudent to muster up the nerve to say “NO,” since oddly enough, all else still stresses potential interest.

Faced with a multitude of multifarious individuals, one can prevent or reduce misunderstanding- based mishaps through clear, concise, candid communication. In the complex world of dating, speaking up serves to sever any semblance of attraction to or fascination with a person in whom you hold no interest. Seemingly difficult for some to be the bitchy, bad guy, the honesty can beget benefits, such as possibly establishing a clearer rapport, free from premature, unsubstantiated assumptions. Moreover, being blunt can help fend off the forward, frustrating types which one may unfortunately run into at random times and places. Consequently, curtly cutting off suitors that fail to tickle one’s fancy or that push to persuade one to feel differently can save one from distracting dilemmas and drama. Though some slightly insane types may appear hurt, they will surely recover from the setback sooner if the ties are cut earlier rather than later. So, before setting off, strap on your armor of straightforwardness. You may just find that it protects you from many preventable problems and perplexities.

Written by Patricia Lee

Single and Sassy

Talking Chic

Single and Sassy

This past Valentine’s Day I did something I, a single 20-something-year-old, had never done before––I went to a bar. Yes, it was in the middle of the week, and sure, getting up for work at eight is typicallythe plan, but I had just bought the cutest bronze-color shrug and I was ready to hit the dance floor. After borrowing my roommate’s vintage-style Union jeans, her black chandelier danglies to work with my black Trina Turk lace camisole––what can I say? It was on! I was feelin’ hot and figuring why stay home and get down about being date-less, when I can strut my stuff and enjoy my freedom. Needless to say, my friend (who was semi-single at the time) was in tune with my energy and felt the same way.

And it was definitely a night to remember.

Whether it was the Pussycat Dolls or Sean Paul pulling us to the dance floor, or running into other girlfriends who were also standing up for singlehood…the night was mine and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. But then the ridiculous questions started. Wannabe pick-up lines like, “You’re too cute not to have a boyfriend!” or “What are you doing out this way—you don’t look like a typical I.E. girl,” as he peered at my outfit that I had so delicately put together. And during this insulting-slash-desperate attempt to get my phone number… it hit me: Why is it assumed that a fashionable, attractive, and young professional (dare I say so myself) has to be “taken?” It brought me back to the whole idea of “being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely” type of affirmation I’ve read before in self-help books. I also realized that while some girlfriends dress sassy for their boyfriends, or wives keep their husbands’ favorites in mind when getting dressed, many people automatically assume that being single and looking fabulous is well, a waste, as if the idea of dressing for oneself doesn’t exist.

What I took away from that night is that it most definitely does count. Attracting a mate and looking hot in doing so is a wonderful feeling, and having someone to regularly deliver compliments and give kudos to your style is also an indescribable feeling. But loving yourself, especially on Cupid’s day, is also something to be cherished, because this adoration for thyself, my friends, can automatically manifest itself into looking good all the time. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” really does make sense to me these days. It has been almost a year that I’ve been without a serious beau. But I’m thinking a revised version of “Don’t hate me because I’m single, beautiful, and wearing hot jeans for no one BUT myself” is due.

Here’s the thing: I believe true style does not mean walking out the door in hopes of getting a catcall when getting into your car, nor about purchasing come-hither-me pieces (like for the cute guy in the office who just happens to stroll by your desk every morning). To me, a sense of fashion is more than that. It means dreaming in color, pretending you’re ransacking your mama’s closet when you were a kid and coming out with creative ensembles. And most importantly, enjoying fashion means owning a wardrobe that includes only those pieces that make you smile every time you imagine slipping them on.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t want cutie over there to ignore me as I walk by, but should he not check me out, well, all I can say is, “I’m single, I’m sassy, and see ya later!” ‘cause I have hot shoes on…na-na-na-na-na!

Written by Elana Pruitt

There Once was a Man from Vagina…Or, how we’ll learn to stop trying to censure (and censor) sexuality.

Let’s just start stating the obvious, shall we?

I have to admit that my biggest guilty pleasure is “America’s Next Top Model,” clearly a standout in the reality television niche if only for its impenitent appreciation of unattainable beauty (at least for a few of us) and, of course, the requisite schadenfreude when a particularly bitchy model receives her walking papers. Something about “Top Model” delivers this sensation better than any other reality program currently on TV—”Survivor” has passed its beguiling stage and entered into territory usually charted by and reserved for long-winded skits on “Saturday Night Live”; “American Idol” only reaffirms my belief that pop culture thrives on mediocrity; and the physical appeal of “talent” on “Elimidate” et.al., reflects a saddening trend in the national average when it comes to health, sex and beauty (not to mention demeanor). But, perhaps the most cleverly constructed reality isn’t what’s on television, but instead is that ephemeral little raison d’etre for teens and 20-somethings on the Internet. You guessed it, MySpace. Now, amid all the recent brouhaha about its apparent pervert-conducive environment and the imminent “blog backlash” that’s awaiting some stellar scandal (as if 2005’s online murder confession wasn’t enough), parents suddenly have to confront this newfound medium for public adolescent sexuality and personal information dissemination. How’s that for reality? But, you know me: I immediately place the bulk of the blame on a subdued sexual milieu that’s been encouraged and exploited by a government eager to win back and retain its fundamentalist party base, much to the chagrin of those of us without hang-ups who are able to recognize and apply tact in public situations. Sadly, many of these MySpace nymphets and studs-in-training are suffering from a lack of open, mature discussion with their parents about sexuality—especially teen sexuality—and their ignorance is manifesting itself in revealing personal Web page images and seductive blog bios. We smart adults have abandoned these social sites and returned to normal human interaction—or have found other more mature Web sites that don’t cater to high school kids looking to de-virginize each other. Naturally, however, the lecherous miscreants perusing MySpace exploit the blatant lack of judgment by enticing curious preteens into premature maturation. And these children, bereft of adequate understanding of what is and is not appropriate, exercise their curiosity in potentially dangerous ways. If there is one sure fact in life, it is that everything needs an outlet, some form or formula for catharsis, because without it, what burdens our minds eventually manifests in our actions—sometimes absent of logic, that little voice that says, “Hey…why don’t you take a second to rethink this, eh?” Being inquisitive about reality and having an immediate way to sate that awe can possibly produce an unwanted result. The most effective combatant in this battle against further decadence of the next generation, whose Web-savvy nature could be made or broken by this reasoning, is an unfiltered approach toward sexuality in the public realm. Let’s stop letting a repressed few dictate how much exposure to sex our children have. Between half-naked, influential celebrities and the omnipresent World Wide Web, children are deluged with images that at the very least demand explanations before their re-enactments are attempted in blog profile photos. American children especially are at risk because, unlike European and other open-minded nations, the United States takes somewhat bittersweet pride in just how sheltered the majority of its children are. Censorship recently has become a sort of emblem for die-hard politicians. Pretty soon we’ll need permits to take showers, lest we see our own naked bodies without the explicit approval of our representatives. And this all stems from a sick embracement of the continued suppression of something that’s always been and always will be.

So let’s state the obvious. Rather than wait until your 15-year-old daughter meets a 52-year-old man with more than a passing interest in her “hobbies” and “favorite music,” why not immerse your children in the already seedy world of over-eroticized reality television and force them into having long, thorough and repulsive conversations about the wonderment and consequences of sex. Inundation is the best method, I believe. Or, at a minimum, parents should make an attempt to lull their kids away from solely seeing an idealized version of what society and children are like and show them the results of poor decisions. They clearly are incapable of recognizing that their idols, their celebrities have flaws, and (although unbelievably) tact. The sexy, young women on “The Bachelor” and “Blind Date” that they emulate are not the best examples of maturity, and parents need to tell children that, rather than tightening the blinders so that they can’t see the viscera beneath that over-simplified and deceptive picture of desired sexuality that reality television, Internet, and the entertainment industry have mistakenly conveyed. A blog should not be a child’s introduction to reality, nor should a scripted “real-life” television show. That’s the reality, folks, believe it or not.

Written by Natalie Martin