You can’t grasp time
And times you can,
are never time itself
Why configure time you cannot grasp?
-Verses from the Center, Stephen Batchelor

Christmas is the season where we’re under the gun to get things done quickly, and as the Target commercial so eloquently and beautifully sings, “Counting down, counting down.”  In other words, hurry up!  Buy those presents, shop, shop, shop.  Don’t miss that deadline of Christmas Day.

Christmas comes and goes year after year, and to me, there have been many a day suspended in time.  Like Christmas Day the year I was six.  I received my Easy Bake Oven and roller skates.  Everyone on our street received a pair of white Roller Derby Roller Skates, and we skated all Christmas Day almost until the sun went down.  None of us lost a wheel, and that Christmas is forever emblazoned in my mind.  Slow down, and take it all in.  One moment is here, and then in the blink of an eye it is gone.

I am a busy person these days.  I work a full time job, sing in a band and with an opera group, and I also tutor students in math.  I believe every moment has its place in eternity, however, and I try to relax, no matter what I am doing, and remain where I am.  I try not to worry about the next day or even the next hour.  I realize that as the years have gone by, there are so many things I really want to remember; and because I rushed through events in the past, I have to strain to remember a smile, a hello, or even a thank you from a favorite friend or relative.

I remember the year the fire trucks came to our neighborhood.  I was probably five years old.  Those trucks released the water from all the hydrants in the area.  All the neighborhood children had a blast.  We made paper boats and floated them down the stream that filled the street.  We squealed with joy as we ran through the jets of water, and felt disappointment as the last bit of water dried up.

I remember the donut vendor that used to come by selling hot glazed donuts.  Those were the best donuts I ever had and the reason I am not obese today.  None today can compare to the hot gooey pleasure I derived from those donuts.  These simple childhood memories are forever etched in time and seem just as alive today as they were then.  When you can grasp time, it isn’t really time.  It’s an eternal moment.

As people, we are always planning ahead.  This has been conditioned in us since the dawn of our existence because we realized that if we did not plan for tomorrow, we would surely die in a storm, as the result of a drought, or as the result of extreme heat or extreme cold.  Maybe even be eaten alive by wild animals.  We have a sort of fear reflex that if we do not worry about the next day, hour, or moment, it will be to our peril.

In present times, it’s easy to worry.  Many people live from paycheck to paycheck, and if they suffer a loss of income or property, they might become homeless.  So there are valid reasons to worry about the unknown.  However, there is an argument for living in the moment and taking each day as it comes.  If this is the moment that matters, then what happens to us if we miss it?

There’ve been a few times in my life where I found myself one step away from being homeless, but what  I learned was that I always found myself in better circumstances later, whether I worried or not.  I spent many years living from day to day; and through this I discovered the idea of being present.  I began to appreciate the little joys in life, while remaining focused on going no farther ahead than today in my mind.  I still made plans, and I still put money away when I could; but in my mind I worked very hard to stay focused in the now.  My reasons were few.  I simply wanted to feel joy now, not ten years from now.

I stopped saying I will be happy when I get that car, when I buy that house, when I earn that degree.  I started recognizing that my little girl’s smile or the sun shining in the window was all I needed to be happy.  And that happiness was worth an eternity to me.

How can life flow without flowing before, flowing now, or flowing later? (Stephen Batchelor) 

Therefore, the moment now is the most current, the most present, the most significant.  During these stressful times try being mindful of where you are now.  You will find this season becomes a permanent etching to be viewed and re-viewed from time to come.

Written by Lisa Trimarchi

Insights

Dreams

I’ve spent a fair amount of my adult life in serving others. I helped initiate three of my children into adulthood and single-handedly provided them the support they needed to launch out on their own and start to accomplish things and discover their dreams. While doing this, I put many of my own dreams aside and fell full into serving society, family, and others. That singer and dancer stood in the wings waiting for her turn to perform. In light of life’s little dramas, getting the kids off to school, helping them graduate from high school, and preparing them for college, the performance had to be placed on hold; and the artist writer stood, pen suspended in air, for her time to create.

In the meantime, the world has continued at its pace, and like the raisin in the sun, the dreamer’s dreams seemed to shrivel. All the while the singer and dancer ached to escape the mind’s barriers and make the appearance now.

I am that artist, that dancer, that singer, and that writer.

One day I realized that another moment waiting to find my passion was a moment ill spent. I got in my car and drove cross-country. I drove from Florida to California with only a few of my belongings.

I decided to materialize my dreams out of what seemed to be nothing, and I must say that I am starting to see them become reality.

It takes courage to make changes. It takes the type of courage that causes you to go against tradition to follow your dreams. I should have laid mine down a long time ago to be replaced by responsibility. Working and making a living took precedence for many years, but did not lend me happiness.

I have a friend who emigrated here from India. His long dream to be an actor has finally taken hold in America. He had to make many sacrifices and practice a kind of selfish virtue in order to start to see his dreams materialize. He left family and friends. He set out on the impossible task of learning the acting craft and then someday performing.

“Pressure, I know pressure,” he says. “Pressure to do what your family wants, pressure to do what is right, pressure to make it in a world where you often feel unwelcome.”

In spite of all the pressure, however, he still makes time to take acting classes where he has to let down defenses that were ingrained in him from his youth, taught never to disagree or argue. Taught to be nice always. He is now letting those barriers down to allow opportunity in. He has to pause and ask, “What is it that I truly feel?” In recognizing his true feelings, he can perform and become himself in any character.

I face a similar challenge. I’ve spent a few years caring for others, putting my dreams and myself last. Now I have more freedom. With that freedom I am faced with what do I do now? For so many years all I wanted was the opportunity to do what it was I truly desired: sing, write music, and learn to play the guitar. I’ve been conditioned to seek out something useful to do to ensure that others are cared for. I now am faced with the task of countering that conditioning and discovering what it is that makes me feel fulfilled and truly happy.

Lately I’ve been leaning toward learning the guitar, taking time to dance, and making room for an ever-expanding spiritual side that has lately grown beyond my ability to contain it.

What happens to a dream deferred? In my case, as Langston Hughes so eloquently states, it explodes!

Once your dreams are allowed to spill over, there’s no knowing where they will lead you. In my case they’ve led me to California, three thousand miles from where I started.

Written by Lisa Trimarchi