The Law of Uncertainty

Sisyphus thought he would cheat death and squeal on Zeus when he committed adultery.  He was doomed to spend an eternity in the Underworld pushing a boulder up a hill only to roll back down just before it reaches the top.

Tantalus tried to trick the gods by offering up his son Pelops as a main course.  The gods were not fooled and Tantalus was punished by being placed in an underworld pool with food and drink placed just out of his reach.  He would remain forever hungry and thirsty.

Sometimes I have found myself in patterns that are active demonstrations of the private hells of both Sisyphus and Tantalus, and I’ve wondered how I can break the cycle.

I have many jobs in life, but like many who long to spend their days doing what they love, I have to spend a fair amount of time earning a living at what may seem to some very unfulfilling work.  I am a salesperson.  I set appointments at least 8 hours a day, and when I get off at 5 p.m., I go to school to engage in what truly fulfills me, or at least this is what I thought until a few days ago.

I realized the repetitive task of meeting a quota day in and day out in itself can be my own personal meditation, as is making a long journey alone, I can find solitude and therefore, peace in the task itself.

What made me reach this point?  I had an altercation with a fellow employee and suffered much angst for several days.  I was breaking the pattern by asserting my voice.  By asserting my voice I had to accept the battle that resulted.

I do not like confrontation; in fact, I avoid it. I had to take a long, hard look at what I was doing, and to my surprise, I discovered that I enjoy what I do.

The Taoist believes the only constant is change and even the most repetitive tasks vary if only within narrow limits.  To contemplate and investigate the various sequences of change will engender tranquility that arises when loss, decay, and death are recognized as being no less essential to the whole than gain, growth, and life. Investigation permits one to see within certain limits that which will be inevitable.

I discovered what is inevitable about my job is that I will change, no matter how hard I resist.  So I am thankful for the small volcanoes that erupt in the sea of repetition.

I understand that certain events are inevitable, and this brings me tranquility.  I am a part of a cycle of change even when I am performing a mundane task.

What is mundane about my job is the constant dialing.  I find the constant decline very mundane.  When I become observant and aware even in the mundane, I find opportunity; and in this opportunity I find growth.  I have become an investigator of sorts.  I have discovered the minute detail in the repetitive pattern of the leaf.  One leaf is very much like any other leaf, and one person telling me “no” is very much like another person telling me “no.”  However, if you look very closely at two leaves that are side by side, you will see subtle differences.  This demonstrates that each leaf is unique. I have discovered that each encounter, even though the outcome is no, is unique. In that discovery I have found personal fulfillment.

I remember driving home one day from a hard day at work.  I was challenged just to work 8 hours.  Up until then I was unaware that I had changed to accept the conditions of my work.  I was simply putting my time in.

I drove with the music turned off and found my mind wandering as it does here and there.  I happened on a moment of joy at work when I was engaging in the verbal exercise of overcoming an objection.  I discovered I was more excited by the act than the outcome.  At that moment I had to admit that I enjoy my work.

What I have gained by rolling that boulder up the hill or reaching for that pear just out of reach is strength and the ability to cope in the face of uncertainty.

Will I make quota?  Will I be able to overcome the objection?  Will my client be satisfied with my efforts?  This represents change.  I am not performing the mundane; I am taking part in the sales cycle, a dynamic process.

I have felt that I am walking along a cloud and the only thing keeping me afloat is the belief that I am on solid ground.  This very attitude lends me some stability in a life that is often fraught with uncertainty, and that is what keeps me going.

The Power of Denim: A Love/Hate Relationship

The Power of Denim: A Love/Hate Relationship

. . . . So I’ve been struggling with this column for some time now because here’s my thinking: the jean craze ain’t goin’ nowhere. And for those wanting in with at least one pair of rocking bottoms to actually sport in public, sitting tall at a Smashbox fashion show, or to wear during fun Fridays at work, please—let’s hold hands, unite as one, and say together: “Jeans are not our enemies.”

The power of denim has not only become a popular trend among the fashion-conscious, but a ridiculously expensive OBSESSION that makes many of us put extra hours in just to afford something fabulous. So in trying to tackle an article about hunting for “the perfect jean,” my focus has become scrambled because not only is there no such thing, but in the past five years or so, since its explosion on American culture, finding the best pair of jeans for your body type is nearly impossible. Wait, I take that back; it’s possible. Just don’t expect to walk into a boutique and expect to be whisked away by your size hanging freely on the rack, hemmed to your height, and when doing squats in the fitting room, you’re able to bend over with nothing hanging out (good luck with that one). So in honor of my editor’s own frustration with the limited selection available for women who have sexy hips, a little bit of junk in the trunk, and who don’t aspire to a size 2, I’m going to attempt to offer ways toward simplifying the hunt for a flattering jean—and hopefully keep you from slashing your wrists in the process!

I know, new styles pop up everywhere, and yes, it can be overwhelming to narrow choices down. We have studded, distressed, high-waisted, low-waisted, barely-there low-waisted, patchwork, pocketed, no-pocketed, cargo, cropped, skinny, flared, bell bottomed, boot cut…. Need I continue? And believe me, I understand. Sometimes you feel as though you should go shopping with handcuffs on because you want to steal every gorgeous pair that feels like a personal tribute to your personality: “Oh my god, they shouldn’t have!” But also believe me when I say this: looks can be deceiving. If you don’t evaluate your expectations, reasoning, and needs before you hit up Nordstrom, Bloomingdale’s, Just Cavalli, Lucky Jeans, or anywhere you head for favorites, don’t be surprised if you feel like jetting the minute you walk into the fitting room with 20 pairs in tow. And speaking from experience as a former salesgirl, a current shopper, and a shopaholic’s sister, filling up your room with too many to count will do no good because all you’ll feel is frustration, panic, and exhaustion from hanging all the jeans back up (unless of course you’re one of those people who let poor salesgirls drop to their knees to clean up your mess). Sometimes what’s worse than not being able to find a pair that fits is, yes, finding too many that do. But that’s a whole other topic we won’t get into at this time.

So as you decide that this weekend is the weekend to make some headway, or some progress, in learning which designers create styles best for your body, don’t expect to find what you’re looking for the minute you get started because whether you’d love to find the right guy (just thought I’d throw that one in) or an awesome-fitting pair of jeans, perfection doesn’t exist, although, perfect for you most definitely is out there. Just don’t expect an overnight score.

Here are my top tips that have helped make my search for great jeans a (ahem) fun experience:

1) Give a girl a compliment… if you see someone wearing a pair you like. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask her where she scored them. But try doing it in a way that’s not so obvious. Ex: “Those are totally hot! Oh my gosh I just saw those at Planetfunk….” Whether you did or not is definitely not the point; what she’ll probably do is brag to you where they REALLY are from. Then voila! That’s one store you can already jot down as a possibility.

2) Invest in magazine subscriptions…Lucky Magazine is a given. I mean with all those cute “maybe,” “no,” and “yes” sticker, they practically hold your hand along the way. Some of my other favorites include InterviewNylonVibe, and Flaunt. You’ll find tons of diverse-sized, ethnic models wearing hot designs, with listings of prices and brands close by, and possibly even 1-800 numbers that give you a scoot in the right direction.

3) Accept your body…be honest with yourself when it comes to your real size. No one said you have to tell anyone, but when it comes to a jean’s availability, the fabric that is designed for you, and the best cut to show off your curves without making you look “fat,” you must know your measurements. And remember for someone who is bottom-heavy or has recently had children, think stretch, stretch, stretch. A little give will do wonders and make you feel oh-so-comfy!

4) Make salesgirls your best friend… yes they can be annoying at times and all up in your business when you’re not ready to be helped––but they can also bring tears to your eyes being so damn good. A salesgirl can call other stores for your size, hunt in the back of stockrooms, ask another customer if she’s done trying on the size because she has another customer who is eager to try them on as well, personally deliver your package to your home, show you exactly which ones are “butt lifters,” which ones may go on sale soon, and even bring you blouses that will snazzy up those jeans even more. Even amidst your frustration, being friendly goes a long way. Letting her see your dynamic personality will definitely prompt her to keep you in mind when something arrives in your size and style.

And to keep you from giving up, remember: each brand seems to size differently, it’s not a personal attack against your self worth, and no, the gods do not have it in for you! What if you never find a pair that works out for you? Well, then you sport that hot black dress or long skirt you know you look good in! Forget about what is supposed to fit your body, and feel proud of what really does.
Besides, rumor has it they’re on the way out anyway… ssshhhhh.

Written by Elana Pruitt

A Cause Macabre: What Did We Learn from Stanley “Tookie” Williams?

A Cause Macabre: What Did We Learn from Stanley “Tookie” Williams?

Written by Natalie Martin

So this is how the so-called “socially responsible” public unites against a controversial government sanction? Critics of the death penalty maintain a special place in my heart because I am forever locked in a love/hate relationship with them. While I appreciate their concern for the disparate numbers of African American death row inmates, compared with non-black prisoners on the “Green Mile,” I can’t help but believe that they never seem to seriously think about the poster child they choose to use for their latest “anti-capital punishment” campaign. With the blanket commutation of more than one hundred people sitting on Illinois’ death row by the state’s departing Republican governor and the influence of DNA that is causing many justices to overturn convictions, clearly the argument exists that capital punishment is a flawed practice. However, in considering a new symbol to champion their cause, did death penalty opponents really think that Stanley “Tookie” Williams was the best choice for galvanizing support?
(Why must I feel compelled to preface the following diatribe with the words: “I am extremely pro-black”?)

Williams is not in any way, shape or form a hero. It befuddles me that anyone—especially someone black—would align him- or herself with an admitted gang member, killer (allegedly), and criminal. Let’s, for a second, go beyond his disputed involvement with the murders of four people in 1979 and look at the spectrum of Williams’ life: founder (or co-founder, depending upon whom you believe) of the infamous Crips gang; absentee father; accessory to armed robbery; children’s book author; Nobel Peace Prize candidate (multiple nominations); alleged murderer; and death row inmate. Is it too pessimistic to point out a glaring imbalance—in terms of “good vs. bad”—when looking at his background? No amount of redemption or anti-gang books can undo the enormous negative influence his actions have had on African American culture and urban communities. Lest I sound cold and callous, I believe that the legacy of his gang affiliation far outweighs the crimes for which he was tried, convicted, and executed. In no way am I mitigating the act of murder or undervaluing the suffering of his—again, alleged—victims because of their race. What I’m proposing is that, even in their tireless effort to bring Williams to justice, the U.S. courts overlooked the additional deaths for which urban gangs are responsible—call it “the osmotic casualty factor.” For Williams, perhaps benignly, the creation of the Crips was a way to quell inner-community violence and police brutality in poorer neighborhoods; however, the formation also spawned the self-perpetuating destruction of those same black and inner-city communities through drugs and crime.

An incalculable number of African Americans (and Latinos, and whites, ad infinitum) have died because of this man, and not a single opponent of the death penalty can deny the aftereffects of his prodigal progeny. In addition to providing black men one more stereotype that they must nullify, Williams and his clan did what I feel is worse than any routine racist act: They poisoned their own. It’s bad enough the black community must continue to fight institutionalized racism and prejudice to the point that blacks have become irreparably stratified. Now we have to deal with the self-destructive exploitation of our brethren at the hands of dope dealers who, in their ambition to achieve “white” wealth, look no further than slinging rock to their equally oppressed black neighbor? I think not.

HAVE WE GONE A-STRAY? One bone, a couple of chew toys, and your dog will be loyal and loving to the end.

Have We Gone A-Stray?

I have a baby girl named “Shay” and of course I think she is absolutely fabulous. She is smart, adorable, and lovable. She loves me unconditionally. Yes, I’m proud doggie mommy, and I’m not the only one. In our trips to the park, I’ve met other proud moms and dads. While our little ones are sniffing one another’s bums and romping in the pond, we watch from the sidelines. We discuss the best doggie daycares, schools, the healthiest dog food, the best bark parks, and of course potty training. Some parents are very competitive, spouting out “AKC this” and “breeding that,” but I’m not one of those “show dog” moms. (Those people are really out there.) I see them at the park having conversations with their dogs and wonder when did it become normal to treat a dog like a person? The next day, I set off for answers at the local college’s library, and after a couple of hours I had three phone numbers and some idea as to why people treat their pets like children.

First and foremost, I blame Saddam Hussein. I really don’t have “facts” to back this up but I figured since the government blames Saddam for a variety of problems, eh, why not tack on one more.

Our next stop on the blame game timeline would be a song some consider a classic, “Who Let the Dogs Out?” This song stirs up so many emotions: anger, sadness, worry, fear, and sympathy. Those artists were brave enough to really make a statement, and it got the American public thinking, “What would happen if my dog was let out?” The country went into panic mode and there was an alert system started. It was color coded with green, meaning your doggie was safe, to orange, meaning there is a pretty good chance your dog could be “let out.” Nonetheless, the public was cautious under any color. No one ever wanted to be haunted by the question, “Who let the dogs out?”

The American people were looking to be protected and informed, so they turned to the people they chose to be their leaders, celebrities. Once the celebrities announced they had a plan, we all sighed in relief. The celebrities told us in order to keep our pets safe, we have to keep them by our sides at all times; and as you and I both know, celebrities always practice what they preach. Everywhere you looked there were articles about how celebs keep their dogs near to them: in their purse, or on set, even at the salon. Their amazing stories of such generosity were so inspiring that the public took notice. Then, dogs were crowned the “newest must-have accessory” by USA TodayPeople, and InStyle.

It was then that we opened our homes to our favorite pets. Suddenly, our beds were being taken over, we were being woken up by licks to the face (and you don’t want to know where that tongue has been), the carpet was covered with chew toys, and we were losing control. This angered us, but we looked to our celebrity leaders and realized that maybe there was something behind our pets’ bad behavior. Our curiosity was peaked; we wanted to know what was going on inside the minds of our precious puppies. Enter the pet psychic, a woman I really consider a national hero. She shared our dogs’ thoughts with us, and finally we found out what our favorite family member thought of us . . . and the news wasn’t good. Our dogs hate us. This realization created a massive wave of guilt, like nothing ever seen before. Suddenly, there was a public outcry, “Give us something to buy so we can give it to our dogs and they will like us!” Petsmart and Petco answered our cries and finally we were able to buy the love of our dogs.

It didn’t take us long to figure out buying off our dogs was a lot cheaper and easier than buying off say . . . children. One bone, a couple of chew toys, and your dog would be loyal and loving to the end. There was never any back talk, or arguments, no need to worry. Your dog wouldn’t sneak out past curfew, or get a tattoo, or come home with a weird piercing. And if your dog happened to get knocked up, you could give all the puppies away with a clean conscience. It was clear raising a dog was a lot easier than raising a child, but people still had a desire to be moms and dads. It was then a compromise was born. Why not just raise our puppies like people?

And here we are. Shay started going to daycare, play dates, and bark parks. She dresses up for Halloween and has her picture taken with Santa Claus every year. Sometimes I am disgusted that I turned into one of “those” people, but on the bright side, I don’t have to pay for her to go to college . . . at least not yet!

Written by Jessica Mouser

Eating Disorders Among Women of Color

Warning: this article is going to be a bit more personal than I’ve been before. With that written, I’ll jump right in. Every time I relapse, I try to find something—or someone—to blame. Previous examples include the phrase “you’re not getting any smaller” and the occasional critical stare, which inevitably sent me into the kitchen––only to subsequently go into the bathroom. And so on, and so on ad infinitum. But the idea of a woman of color with an eating disorder always seemed an anathema to me. African American beauty always appeared to skirt the mainstream ideals when it came to weight. Hair quality and skin hue continue to fall victim, but weight was our “upper hand,” so to speak. And although we relax our hair to the point it falls out and occasionally avoid the sun to keep our skin lighter, we still enjoy our ribs and biscuits without remorse because we still appreciate the roundness of our rumps and the fullness of our thighs.

So how did we get here, to a time when there are numerous Web sites devoted to the understanding and prevention of eating disorders among women of color? It’s too easy to say that the prevailing standards finally caused the collapse of a culture that still celebrated the fuller figure. Perhaps it was the trade, or sacrifice, of ethnic women who, as they attained a more mainstream (read: Euro-centric) education and attitude, so attained a different sense of what is or isn’t beautiful. For, according to many eating disorder studies, women of color who suffer from EDs are less likely to live in impoverished neighborhoods and more likely to be college students/graduates. I picture the prolific stereotype of the large black woman, speaking Ebonics and clearly possessing enough self-confidence in her appearance that she feels comfortable wearing spandex shorts and skimpy T-shirts. For young women of color, that image is dichotomous: 1) she is sassy and secure; therefore, if they look and speak like her, she is an affirmation that they don’t have to strive to emulate the anorexic and bulimic models on billboards; but 2) she is also a subliminal reminder of how African American women are perceived, and to be like her is to admit that she is thehighest level of beauty and intelligence that we can ever reach. Sadly, the numbers are still too dubious to efficiently measure how many women of color suffer from EDs. Whether or not they are being counted, it’s possible to ascertain that the stigma within the black community still encourages resistance to European standards of beauty, and in turn assigns shame to the methods of attaining that standard. If we do it, we can’t talk about it, and therefore, the possibility of recognizing an ED as a problem never surfaces. If we don’t do it, we relegate ourselves to the inferior standard of the larger-than-life “Sheniqua.” So, in essence, we’re screwed.

Now, does this mean I’m arguing for the deliberate intellectual and financial stagnation (or regression) of African American women? Perhaps, perhaps not, if it can ensure the health of our young ladies who, in their effort to reach perfection according to accepted social standards, are interjecting their educational pursuit with sticking a finger in their throats. Ultimately, I’m advocating attention to how we in the community itself react to popular images when it comes to how the world sees us and how we see ourselves. What are we doing in our own community to offset the stereotypes we’re offered? Must we embrace one or the other, or can we somehow amalgamate the ideals to encompass the full-figured beauty we’ve always cherished while also encouraging academic aspirations minus physiological forfeiture? Hopefully you’re not holding out for a “here’s what we can do about it” paragraph, offering optimism to women who realize that in their pursuit of mainstream intellectual and social acceptance, they have suddenly found themselves “unintentionally” missing a meal or kneeling over a toilet bowl. Nor will I apologize for what may seem a self-aggrandizing attempt at altruism by inserting my own experiences into the editorial. Rather, I hope that for African Americans this column will at best offer insight into a problem that is not Caucasian-exclusive, and open their eyes to the sacrifices our sisters make in trying to distance themselves from the “Sheniqua” archetype. And for those women of color who do put themselves through such horrific self-torture, let this column allow you to separate the unwelcome habit that can sometimes come with striving for perfection in a Euro-centric society so that your compromise doesn’t kill you.

Marilyn Anderson’s Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp

“Someday my prince will come. What a romantic thought! And like millions of little girls, I grew up believing it. Why? Simply because I loved fairytales.”

-Marilyn Anderson, Author

Marilyn Anderson is an author, playwright, dating expert, spokeswoman, comedian, bio-chemist, and founder of Frogaholics Anonymous.  Her book, Never Kiss a Frog, has made quite an impact on single women everywhere. People have named her the “dating guru.” And she has offered dating advice to Complete Woman, and Teen People Magazine.

Since writing her book, Marilyn has been interviewed on several talk shows, and she has appeared on “Extreme Makeover” as a dating expert. Her popularity from her book, Never Kiss a Frog, hit a familiar nerve with both men and women worldwide.  It is now published in several languages. Marilyn boasts that Never Kiss a Frog has even been pirated. (To her chagrin, she actually prefers the pirated version). Since the book’s popularity in 2003, Anderson has been in the process of writing part two, Never Kiss a Frog Again.

What makes Marilyn an authority?

“I’ve been single forever. I’ve dated the rich and the homeless, the tall and the pygmy, the tan and the albino. I’ve met frogs on beach towels and ski lifts, in supermarkets and meat markets. I’ve met them on park benches, bench-pressing, and one who was pressing his pants. Once, my hairdresser’s gynecologist gave my number to a man on a passing gurney! Oh yeah, I’ve had blind dates and bland dates. The only date I haven’t had is a wedding date.”

While reading Marilyn’s book, I laughed so hard at her hilarious dating mishaps and ironic truths. I honestly don’t know one woman who hasn’t bought into the myth that if you kissed enough frogs, one of them might eventually become a prince. Or maybe somewhere in this world there is a prince disguised as a frog. I can recall recent conversations with my female friends, telling them not to be so critical of what Marilyn describes as frogs, and to give their poor toads a chance. But just as my mother and grandmother did, I too am guilty of passing down this perverse falsehood that maybe a frog could turn into a prince.

In Marilyn’s book, there are a plenty of examples of frogs. Anderson manages to add a comical tone, along with the unflattering comparisons, to the wart-infested reptile. She came up with several interesting, yet disturbingly true, descriptions for each type of frog we should definitely avoid, and the list is very long.

First, there is the Long-Term-Go-Nowhere Frog. This wart-infested undesirable is afraid of commitment, yet he will continue to string you along until only you are strong enough to break it off. I have experienced that frog before—more than once in my lifetime. Marilyn gives an example of how she and her boyfriend hung out for years but never really had a commitment.

“This kind of relationship is dangerous, because you can get lulled into a false sense of security, and your best years are wasted.”

Another one of Anderson’s frogs I dated was the Really-Nice-Guy-But-Really-Bad-Kisser Frog. How many of those did I encounter when I was single? There were too many to count. The other frogs consist of Horny Toads, Mama’s Frogs, the Flattery Frog, Obsessed-With-His-Body Frog, and the list continues to grow.

When it comes to self-help dating books, I am a veteran; I’ve read the gamut:Maybe He’s Just a Jerk; Women Men Love, Women Men Leave; Men Who Can’t Love; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus; Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives; The Sensual Woman, etc.; yet I am by no means an expert on the subject. If I were, you would think I could have gotten it right eventually. But just like a-hard-to-rid tick, dating for me was more a knee-jerk reaction, not the satisfying, potentially pleasant experience I was promised. Instead, it was a horrible journey from which I barely survived.

Never Kiss a Frog brings everything into perspective. Marilyn Anderson’s cute little quips make light of an otherwise arduous, and in my opinion, overrated, outdated ritual. I asked Anderson how she was able to identify these frogs so easily. She stated that she dated most of them. Then again, who hasn’t dated a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Frog, or even a Toadal Makeover? I wish this book had been handy when I was dating amphibians. I must have kissed at least a few dozen frogs myself. Damn that book The Frog Princess. This fairytale by Sondra Eklund is about a princess who meets a frog, kisses him and breaks a witch’s spell.  The frog transforms into a handsome prince. They marry and live happily ever after. That one book may have single-handedly caused even the most rational women to act irrationally when it comes to dating. And Marilyn thinks the fairytale is the most likely suspect responsible for today’s dating woes.

During our interview, Anderson also pointed out that part of meeting the right guy is about making the right choices. But how does a girl recognize a frog? That has been a burning question for centuries. From Casanova to Henry the Eighth, women didn’t stand a chance back then, and we can barely survive the dating swamp now. With the abundance of dating books out there, sifting through the mire can be a complicated, time-consuming, icky job. Luckily, Marilyn’s Never Kiss a Frog simplifies the process for us. She explains in detail which frogs we must avoid.

The book’s packaging is very clever, too. The artwork was deliberate on Marilyn’s part. Resembling a pamphlet, the cartoon frog ne’er-do-wells appeal to a surprisingly wide audience, ranging from pre-pubescent girls—to fed-up divorcees—to single moms. If pre-teens memorized Anderson’s book before they turned sixteen, they might just escape the horrors the past generations endured.

Even though Marilyn Anderson’s book is an easy read (it took me less than an hour to get through it), don’t be fooled.  There are pearls of wisdom jumping off her double-spaced ninety-six-page book. I advise all single women to keep this “reference guide” close at hand. You never know when you’re going to need to quickly identify a frog.  Anderson even guides those women who are not sure whether or not they are actually dating a frog. She has various hilarious sections to help you remove all your doubts. She has footnotes disguised as cooking recipes.  She even devised an adorable frog family album with disturbingly familiar tender frog-types. For the game board lover, Anderson’s Frogopoly is the next best thing to Monopoly when it comes to spotting the hard to detect frogs.

But in all seriousness, Marilyn does point out that just as one person’s junk might be another person’s treasure, one woman’s frog could give another woman pleasure; and don’t throw out your prince if he has only a few minor frog qualities. After all, nobody is perfect. Her light-hearted tone is a pleasant reminder not to take this whole dating thing too seriously. Keep in mind, if you notice early in your relationship that he has frog qualities, just toss him out before you get too attached.

“A frog doesn’t have to be a bad guy.  He could be a good guy, but if he’s not the right guy to walk you down the aisle, he’s a frog, and you should throw him back into the pond.”

To learn more about Never Kiss a Frog, visit Marilyn Anderson’s website atwww.neverkissafrog.com.

Interview and book review by Kaylene Peoples

Chaz Dean, Creator of WEN: Changing the World One Head at a Time.

Chaz Dean, the Creator of WEN: Changing the World One Head at a Time

Chaz Dean is a stylist, photographer, and inventor. He has a celebrity client list that includes the cast of “Desperate Housewives,” Alicia Keys, Ellen Degeneres, Paula Abdul, Laura Dern, Charlize Theron, and countless more, and his revolutionary non-shampooing cleanser is changing the way we view our hair.

Harsh detergents and sodium laurel/laurel sulfates found in most shampoos inspired Chaz’s ingenuity. We agreed that most inventions came about out of sheer necessity. The development of WEN, Chaz’s universal hair cleanser, was no different.

WEN is formulated with the perfect balance of herbs and natural ingredients to eliminate shampooing without sacrificing the beauty of your hair. WEN is a new approach to the way you cleanse your hair.

In high school, Chaz Dean started in photography. After he completed high school, he wanted to incorporate those visions he saw in his head with photography without relying on others. It was that very element that got him into hair. So he went to school for hair, andafter graduating, he moved back to Los Angeles and pursued a career in hair and color. Hair was a passion for Chaz. Eventually, his photography took a back seat. In 1985, Chaz worked for a company that had its own product line, but the company didn’t have its own deep conditioner.

“I always wondered why we ordered high pro packs from other companies.”

That very company asked him to develop a deep conditioner. In 1986, he jumped at the opportunity, and 9 months later, the same company asked him to help them develop a “natural” product line. At the time, Aveda was the only natural product line out there. And a year later, Chaz developed another product which is now called Sexy Concepts for which he developed the Primrose Shampoo, Sage Conditioner, and Rosemary Conditioner which arrived on the market in 1989. Shortly after that, Chaz began developing his own “non-shampoo.”

“I got tired of my clients complaining that after their salon visits, in approximately two weeks their hair color faded, became brassy and dried out. I knew the detergent and the lathering from the shampoo was causing this. I compare it to when you use a cotton swab with alcohol, and you wipe your t-zone. In five minutes it’s squeaky clean, and within ten to fifteen minutes it’s oily like an oil slick. This happens because your brain tells your body that it needs to replenish the oils, so it works overtime at a really rapid pace.”

Chaz knew that the detergent was stripping the hair of its natural oils. He began mixing and matching and pulling things from his garden and his courtyard to see what could cleanse the scalp and still keep the hair hydrated. From there, he developed the product-line which took five years to perfect, creating a universal product for every type of hair without the heavy residue that weighs the hair down. While testing his products, Chaz’s clients complained about having dry scalp, or other scalp disorders, and they requested he also develop a non-medicated hair product. That’s when the Tea Tree Cleansing Conditioner (which has medicinal and healing properties) was developed.

“In the 1980s people would get their hair colored in the salon, go home with a bag full of products which included shampoo, conditioner, deep-conditioner, de-tangler, leave-in conditioner, a gel for hold, a polishing gloss for shine, and a hairspray. They would go home with a minimum of five to eight products. When they came back in for their next treatment, they complained that they never used the products they took home. It was too confusing and complicated to figure out, or they didn’t have time, and they just wanted the whole process simplified. This is the reason I condensed it. (My products are also great as a body wash, and they are amazing for shaving because of their astringent and anti-bacterial properties). I also created the styling cream, which replaces light weightless leave-in conditioner for moisture, polishing gloss for shine, and a light gel for hold. I found that with every client I worked on, I always used a minimum of those three products. I wanted to put all of those into one.”

While developing WEN, Chaz continued to listen to his clients’ feedback and took them from eight products down to just two, sometimes even one.

The WEN is great for ethnic hair, too, particularly African American textures. The complication of ethnic hair was the impetus for his creation of the Fig Cleanser, which has been out since April 2003.

“I developed the Fig because everyone was flat-ironing, bleaching, and straightening their hair. Their hair was so brittle and dehydrated that the Fig Cleanser is the most moisturizing, and it doesn’t weigh the hair down. Ethnic hair, particularly African American hair, in most cases, needs more moisture than other hair types.”

(He describes Fig like a sponge—it retains moisture.)

During the first two years of its development, Chaz refused to wholesale WEN to any outside vendors. He wanted to hear all the feedback. Ninety percent of the feedback was extremely positive, but the remaining ten percent concerned Chaz. After careful questioning, Chaz discovered that his clients were either not leaving the product on long enough, not using enough of it, or not rinsing it out well enough. Once his clients stepped it up, they were really pleased.

“That’s why WEN really has to be explained because there is nothing out there like it. From birth we are taught that the more lather, the more suds, the more bubbles, the cleaner, the healthier and shinier the hair. This is just not the case. Imagine that you had a saucepan and you made pasta and you poured out the sauce, or imagine your four-wheel truck was covered in dirt. You are not going to take a sponge and start smearing all the dirt around. You’re going to rinse it thoroughly first to get most of the dirt off the truck, or most of that sauce out of that saucepan before you start taking that sponge and smearing it around. It’s the same principle with your hair. You want to rinse it thoroughly and completely first to get all the dirt, grime, hairspray, gels, oils, whatever is in there already, out. Once you’ve done that, your hair is no longer robbed of its essential oils which are beneficial to the hair and which give the hair its shine and body.”

As with most new ideas, Chaz did encounter resistance, but he knew how to win people over. He was doing hair for the HollyRod Foundation fashion show, a charity event for Parkinson’s disease.  Nicole Murphy, who is on the board of Design Cure, attended the event regularly.  After seeing her at several events, Chaz finally approached her in April 2005 at the Rock N’ Republic show and rounded up the courage to introduce WEN to her. Nicole looked at him with the usual skepticism he received from women of color.

“I explained that Holly Robinson Peete, Halle Barry, and Tisha Campbell-Martin regularly use my products. Then, I explained the process to her and invited her to my salon.  Now she is one of my regular clients. When clients leave my salon, they are amazed at how wonderful their hair feels.”

Chaz Dean’s Highest High:

Since November 2000, my intentions were QVC, Guthy Renker, and Oprah Winfrey because I am trying to change the world in the way people cleanse their hair. These three are a platform to explain the product. In January, I met Oprah on the set of Desperate Housewives and handed her a gift bag of the product, and I ended up in O Magazine October 2005. Three weeks later, QVC called me, and I was on in August and October of 2005, and three times last December. I am now in negotiations with Guthy Renker and there is an offer pending.

Chaz’s Lowest Low:

When I started Chaz Dean Studios, it was burglarized, and in September 1997, my mom was re-diagnosed with cancer (she passed away February 2001), my partner and I of 2-1/2 years broke up, and my brother drowned. All three events happened in the span of one month. This made me realize how short life is, but because of that I have grown in tremendous ways.

Chaz Dean wants to change the world one head at a time. It’s the joy, the happiness, and the testimonies of people who’ve hated their hair their whole lives that propel him forward.

“ I believe you won’t know the changes you’ve made in someone’s life until you’re on the other side. And then you have that panoramic view of ‘wow’ I can’t believe I had such an impact—it’s the ripple effect. It’s so important for people to search deep down within themselves and decide what it is that will make a difference.”

To learn more about WEN, visit www.chazdeanstudio.com.

Written by Kaylene Peoples

SANJANA JON – Following Her Own Footsteps

SANJANA JON
Following Her Own Footsteps

Sure, Sanjana Jon may be known as the adorable sister of creative couture designer Anand Jon. But take note—this vibrant New York based Indian designer is pouncing on the world of fashion to make her own footsteps. With her recent launch of three indepenrdently driven lines of women’s wear, Sanjana is sprouting to stardom.

She showcased her Spring 2006 debut collection during New York’s Fashion Week early September, and with delight, recalls the standing ovation that closed her big night, citing in attendance “very, very important people.” Sanjana’s spring collection is lifestyle-conscious, offering diverse ideas for women to utilize. Her prêt line consists of daily wear for teenaged girls to the 30-something year-old; the diffusion line includes Western and office wear for women; and her beloved platinum line introduces custom-made high-end bridal wear.

“It’s a passion for me, and I want to share that special day in a girl’s life,” Sanjana says about her platinum line, which embraces a time of new beginnings.

It may have been the “girly” rebellious gifts of halter top-like fashion her mother would bring back from London to a “conservative India” or the years spent creating jewelry with her grandmother and Anand growing up—or both—that has inspired Sanjana’s adoration of art and fashion.

Marketing consultant of the Anand Jon brand since 1998, Sanjana has co-designed his fine jewelry line as well as his upcoming men’s AJ Jeans line, admitting that her brother’s push and encouragement helped her creative fashion ideas come to life. And with adoration from all around, Sanjana acknowledges the support from her family, including her grandparents.

Having designed for Hollywood notables like Paris and Nicky Hilton, as well as for models Ivana Trump, Amanda Hearst, and Devon Aoki, Sanjana is busily meeting with buyers for her collection’s US availability—most likely landing in flagship stores first. Yet overseas, stores in her name have opened this October in Delhi, Bombay, and South India.

Backed by IG International, Sanjana has taken part in the Miss Universe campaign for the last three years, designing chic ensembles for each winner, and accompanying their trips on behalf of charitable causes. This year, she kicks off the “Aids Awareness Tour” to India mid-November with Miss Universe 2005 Natalie Glebova.

From first showing off her brand during the Cannes Film Festival in May 2004, prior to her coming out during New York Fashion Week, to being named the “Vancouver International Rising Star 2006,” and now her gusto toward directing a feature film, “Spirits and Spirituality,” set to show in 2007, Sanjana Jon is as humble as they get.

Yet as impressive as can be!

Written by Elana Pruitt

Biatta’s Jaymi Zentner: The Designer Behind the Line

Jaymi Zentner has been the head designer of Biatta for nine years. Originally working in surf, skate and snow active wear, she freelanced as a bathing suit designer until she was offered a position at Biatta when she was only twenty-one. Jaymi took the position and commuted for two years from San Diego to Los Angeles, a two-hour drive. Because she was so young, she never really expected to stay with any one company for very long. But now, almost a decade later, she can’t imagine doing anything but lingerie.

“I actually thought I was going to be a lawyer from the age four to seventeen. I was in a Poly-Sci class, and the professor saw me drawing dresses. In the middle of the lecture, he told me that my doodles would never make me any money. That day I dropped that class and decided to go to FIDM. I told my parents I wanted to be a fashion designer, but they had great plans for me to go to Stanford, Harvard, etc. It really didn’t go over that well. I knew I couldn’t be happy arguing for the rest of my life, but since I had to appease my parents, I attended both UCLA for communications and Korean language, and FIDM for fashion design concurrently. I never really thought I could make money with anything that had to do with really creative things. My father, who is a businessman, was also an amazing artist. He just did his art as a hobby. So I thought I would do the same thing, but quickly realized that wasn’t going to work for me.”

Jaymi designs pretty much everything that is Biatta. Kim Munoz, her associate designer, designs the Miss Fifi junior line, as well as assists her when she needs to get things done. She also has assistants that help with fabric buying and other processes.

“It’s great because I have this creative bond with four other people who really get what I want, and they really give me great input. We learn from each other.”

There are several segments within Biatta: one line is geared toward young contemporary; another line follows trends. There is the Biatta Collection, your day-to-day panties and bras. These garments have a lot to do with mesh and lace. There is Linear Essence, which is a basic sheer, striped fabric with a lace trim and high contrast colors. And lastly, there is the “seamless” program, a process done mostly in Europe in a special Santioni machine.

Most people do seamless in an athletic way, but Biatta does it in a pretty, feminine way. You can wear it under anything without panty lines, and at the same time, it is still really sexy and pretty. There are only a few fashionable seamless in the industry, and Biatta’sseamless has been well received. Jaymi describes the entire seamless process as somebody putting yarn into a dryer, and then opening the dryer, and suddenly there’s a garment.

“When they showed me the seamless process, I thought to myself, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! I was amazed, and I must have stood there and watched fifteen garments get made. It was incredible. It’s definitely like a little magic dryer.”

When Zentner thinks about the lingerie customer, she considers herself to be that customer—a fun person with a lot of personality who isn’t afraid of color.

“When you design for that person, it’s so much more fun because it’s not this basic ho-hum black-white, nude kind of thing. Although we have that business, but Biatta is known for their colors and prints.”

When putting the colors together for Biatta, Jaymi attends a lot of trend seminars. She pays attention to what colors she innately feels are becoming stronger colors. She even looks at interiors. She’ll shop at furniture stores just to see what they’re doing. After Zenter researches the trends, she puts together a palette. The front part of her palette is most likely her primary colors that she will be working with for that season. The secondary palette will be her accents, or more contemporary colors. Both palettes work well with both the younger, as well as older customer.

“I think lingerie traditionally has been more pastels, but I think that there are other women who feel sexier in brighter colors. So I went through a phase where I was doing a lot of bright fuchsias and oranges and teals. If you look through our line, I work with all colors to complement everybody’s skin tones.”

”After fifty-five seasons, I can still remember my first couple of seasons. I remember the infant stages of the company. It has changed so much since then. I remember back then we were designing these panties that literally went up to your belly button. It was insane. And now I look back and realize it has changed so much. The fashion now is to be quite low because pants are lower.”

Jaymi Zentner’s Highest Highs:

“There have been so many highs. I can’t even really pick just one. I think just seeing my stuff on stage makes me ecstatic. I also love it when I see someone wearing a Cami of mine as a shirt. Every once in a while a woman will wear my lingerie as a top to go out in. I was at a concert the other night and I saw someone wearing one of my tops. Another high is every time something comes out that I think looks really great, and there is a huge reaction to it. Those moments are precious.”

Jaymi’s Lowest Lows:

“When something that you loved in concept did not end up looking the way it should have, or didn’t sell—it makes you question yourself. It makes you feel like, gosh do I know what I’m doing? The self-doubt, those are the lowest times. Nobody wants to feel like they don’t know what they’re doing. But there will always be that group that doesn’t sell, and I don’t like it.”

Jaymi’s advice to young designers:

“Get an education, and then intern to get a feel of what you want to be doing. Put in the time because it’s really hard when rookie designers come in and they feel like they’re entitled. You have to work really hard in this business. It’s really competitive. You have to be willing to put in the time for free sometimes. The other thing that young designers need to know, and I don’t think schools are teaching them enough of, is they have to be computer proficient—that is where the competition comes from. Once they get the experience, and can actually draw everything on a computer efficiently, they have to pay some dues and be ready to be an assistant for a couple of years, and then good things can happen. There’s nothing better than a person who’s really excited about design. But people have to realize that part of design is not glamorous. It’s the follow-through and the production of it all. It’s making those great ideas come to fruition. If you can just get through that, then you have a lot of time to be creative. It’s awesome!”

Written by Kaylene Peoples

Shani: Independently Breaking Her Own Ground

Shani – Independently Breaking Her Own Ground

I have always admired pioneers, maybe because I’ve been trudging through the trenches trying to create my own place in the world, or maybe it’s because what seems so effortless is really one of the most daunting tasks, or maybe because there are so few “individualists” who actually succeed in breaking those barriers, and getting heard.

Well, Shani, a beautiful, and powerfully gifted talent, is who I might call a pioneer. Shani is a recording artist, actress, and producer, and she has recorded four albums. She has appeared in films, and is nominated for several Grammys this year with her newest CD entitled “At the Casbah.”

Imagine that you are a sweet young girl from Arkansas. Imagine you are pretty and sexy. Imagine entering a world where the proverbial “casting couch” is commonplace. Now imagine a salmon swimming upstream, but instead of preparing to lay her eggs and die, she plants her seeds, and actually reaps a harvest.  Shani is that salmon. She recently won Best New Hot AC artist for New Music Weekly Awards, and her hit single “Destiny” is in the Top 10 Hot AC radio charts. Her hot new single “Get Somebody” is the Top 3 “Most Added” / Chart bound. Shani’s music has also been featured in the motion picture Crash, and she was a featured vocalist for The House of Sand and Fog and “Sony Playstation.”

I had never heard of Shani before. Since I am a jazz aficionada and Broadway enthusiast, her genre of music wasn’t my usual staple. But my curiosity was peaked when I was at the Independent Music Network (located in Studio City, California), where I met the publicist, Debi Fee. Debi told me a little about the rising star, so we set up a meeting at the local Starbucks. During that brief “meet and greet,” Shani exceeded my expectations. She was incredible!

I later met Shani at her home in Studio City.  Just as I had expected, her home was decorated exquisitely—all her own doing, of course.  (After meeting her, I wouldn’t have expected anything less). Shani was a gracious host, and she, along with her three well-groomed dogs, met me at the door. We chatted for at least an hour before I had even set up for her interview, during which she spoke candidly about her experiences as an independent artist.

Shani has successfully combined today’s hip-hop sound with polyphonic beats and Eastern modes and instruments. Shani’s music has layers, and with each listen, it grows on you more and more.

Shani’s music reminded me of Omar Sharif’s Laurence of Arabia and those sweeping epics that were made 60 years or so ago. If I closed my eyes while listening, I saw sand dunes and Middle Eastern princes riding their camels, and I thought about the big movie studios that had signed actors and actresses like Rudolph Valentino, Humphrey Bogart, and Lauren Bacall.

“There are a lot of things that I’m dabbling in today, which are helping me to push the envelope. My new CD is called “At the Casbah,” which is a little bit of an exotic title. I tend to use exotic instruments and world music melodies. It’s also a hybrid of other musical styles. It has hints of R&B, jazz, and hip-hop. It’s sort of a thematic concept record in that it takes you through a musical journey, almost like theater in a way.”

First and foremost, Shani is a writer. She writes her own music and lyrics, and loves to collaborate with other writers. On her current project, there are a lot of featured writers. She never set out to be a producer, but she really wanted to get her vision realized.

“Lyrically, I wanted to tell a story. It’s like soundscapes. For me the transitions of the songs, and while putting the order of the songs together, there needed to be a flow. Where you start and where you end are completely different places. Hopefully you’ll go through this big ride once you sit and listen to the CD for an hour. That was my intent anyway. It’s bizarre to be in the ‘swinger’ era, and then all of a sudden you’re in modern day hip-hop. But it works.”

When Shani was a child, her father had introduced her to rhythm early. He was a drummer and had a huge record collection ranging from Stevie Wonder to Diana Ross.

“ I liked singers who didn’t show off vocally, but knew how to interpret songs. Sting was a big influence, and Prince was too. I think I zeroed in on Prince because here was a guy from Minneapolis, playing rock guitar with a Beatlesque influence, and then he goes into this funk zone. There were elements of jazz too. I loved his records because they had such a mixture of styles. What came out of Prince was this unique, very unpredictable presence. It wasn’t one of those records where all ten songs sounded alike. I loved that about Prince, and I always felt like I got my money’s worth. So for a young writer, that was a big wake-up call. It was okay to venture out and try new things. The hardest part was getting the business people you are working with, to understand that as an artistic statement.”

When Shani moved to Los Angeles, she was exposed to Middle Eastern influences. She knew instantly that those influences would become a big part of what she did. She immersed herself in that culture and learned the intricacies of Middle Eastern music.  She has worked hard to bring that to a Western audience. This was very difficult without the support of the industry.

“At first, nobody got it. I was constantly going back to the drawing board, and trying to improve upon my formula. As a result, each one of my albums sounds a little bit different.”

Shani sings in three languages: English, Farsi, and Spanish. To Shani, her music is very pop, but she admits that for an industry person working in a pop field, it was very left of center.

“A lot of times when people think of world music, they think very serious, solo instruments, and people sitting on the floor playing traditional instruments. Inside of world music, there are a lot of layers. To me, my records are pop, but the industry doesn’t really look at it that way.”

The natural evolution of Shani’s sound is obvious when you listen to each one of her albums: “Undercurrent,” “Call of the Wild,” “Velvet,” and the completion of the Middle Eastern/Western cycle is most apparent in her latest album “At the Casbah.”

“Surviving in this industry as a female has been one of my biggest challenges. Being a female who is not afraid to be a female, for example, I am not downplaying my femininity. Back in the 90s, there was a movement of female singer/songwriters—not that they weren’t feminine––but I think of artists like Alanis Morrisette. When she came onto the scene, she had this very intense, almost angry angst. When you see her now, she’s actually quite feminine and soft. And not that musically you can’t have that range, but I personally believe that was by choice. Because it’s very hard to be feminine and soft, and also be taken seriously.

“I went to a party with a guy I work with, and we were meeting someone new, and a question came up about the album. It was interesting to watch the eye contact of the person going to him. The new guy asked, ‘Oh, so how long did it take you guys to record?’ and I would answer, and his eyes would have to go back to me. This went on for a couple of minutes until finally my male friend said, ‘I didn’t do anything on the record. She produced it.’ I thought how interesting, that there’s just an automatic assumption that I’m just the singer. Somebody finds my songs, puts it all together, and I just show up in the end. That always irks me. You don’t hear people questioning that with men at all.”

Shani attended junior college and studied architecture, psychology, and art history. Her experiences with those subjects seem to affect her music. These influences are elements that keep you listening. These, along with polished arrangements, clever lyrics, and a pleasing voice, are what make her music work.

What inspires Shani’s lyrics?  It could be a trip to Italy or the plight of her friends or even her training as an actress. She states that while studying acting, she has to be in touch with her feelings at all times, and this plays a big role in her songwriting.

“My influences early on in songwriting were ‘show me don’t tell me.’ It’s almost like channeling and writing in a metaphorical way. There are other ways to say I love you. I learned to open up and hear dialog that could say the same thing without being so blatant.”

Shani always knew that she would be in front of the camera. She started acting when she was only four. When she came to Los Angeles, she immediately got an agent, and her manager was adamant about training.

“This is where I learned about layers. In actuality, all you’re really doing is peeling away the layers to get down to what’s really real. I went through a few years of training while also touring. Eventually people knew me from my music, and began offering me projects in films, and this ultimately led me to producing. Why I keep adding more things to my plate, I’ll never know. But it makes for a very interesting ride.”

So what is Shani’s secret?  Hard work, determination, and a constant presence.  She never gives up. She is constantly educating herself and perfecting her craft. Maybe that is why she’s climbing the charts and winning awards at such a rapid pace. Shani is not only a pop personality in the Middle East, but this young lady from Arkansas continues to beat the odds; but she is helping to bridge the gap between Middle Eastern music and the Western world.

Shani has proven to the world that there is nothing substandard about being an independent artist.

“At the Casbah” is scheduled to release early this year. To learn more about Shani, visit www.shanimusic.com.

Watch the videos.

Written by Kaylene Peoples