The Real Me Every Day

Talking Chic

The Real Me Every Day

Waking up with the headache of the century and a matching nasty attitude, my workday lay out before me like a pile of bricks.   Just the thought that today I had to actually make a wall out of this red mortar, one by one, practically brought me to tears.

So as I pull myself up anyway, click on “Good Day L.A.” for shits and giggles, put on a pot of coffee, and give in to my last morning smoke, I dread standing before my closet. This, of course, would mean I actually have to find something to wear. And with no mindset to be creative, I decided that this would be a brainless morning.

But I never thought that someone would call me out on it. “Elana, are you O. K.? You’re matching today.”

My “matching” sense that day consisted of a black cotton skirt, red blouse, denim motorcycle jacket, and velvet multi-colored Nine West shoes with (gasp!) matching red blazing throughout the tips. No silver-gold-burgundy-black-polka dot-striped combos that day.

Whether shuffling to the copy machine, chitchatting within cubicle confinements, or heading to the stockroom for a fresh stash of toilet paper for the ladies room, I seem to always catch friendly eyes following my strut. Sometimes, I pretend that the office corridor is my very own catwalk – a little less sway and a lot more attitude.

On numerous occasions, my clothing, shoes, or accessories become the topic of discussion. And don’t get me wrong, I definitely enjoy the confidence booster when a word like “sassy” is thrown at me. But because my emotions are the sole force that drive me to put on certain pieces, I’m usually oblivious to other people’s perception of what I’m workin’ with. When a compliment is thrown my way, I actually have to look at or touch the specific item to regain my reasoning for wearing it. As much as fashion weighs on my world, I am not image-conscious and obsessed with pleasing others. I simply wear a great color or slip on shoes that are alive with artistic flair, and if others find their own interest in those pieces, then hey, that’s cool.

Practicality also guides my wardrobe: my royal blue, peep-toe Carlos Santana shoes have been re-soled so I don’t slip again and again… and my billowy blouses are predominantly worn during my bloating “that time of the month” days. So to have certain items scrutinized in a positive light is always enlightening. I must be doing something right, but if they only knew the emotions though that inspired me to wear that outfit….

And I know that I’m not alone. Just the other day, my boyfriend showed up at my place (on a summer evening) in a long, vintage army-like pea coat. Never saw it before, but I knew that this article of clothing gave him the strength he needed. I think he, going through a rough time in his life, was able to stand up a little taller with that on. Then there is my girlfriend at work who seems to forever wear the same brown hoodie with every outfit. Maybe it’s a shield against the cold air conditioning system or a “blankie” of sort. Whether relationship issues, work problems, or any other qualm in her life, she seems to rely on the comfort of her cute jacket. It’s always there for her and she looks adorable and sporty in the process.

Even if you don’t recognize it, what you wear is probably guided byyour emotions as well, whether a subconscious effort or not. My red-matching outfit was the antithesis of how I really felt that day. In that case, I decided to just put on a classic, happy-go-lucky ensemble with hope that it would transform my real emotions into its mirror image (It didn’t really, but the next day I was dressed in black and blue, expressing my true beat-up feelings…somehow feeling better that I was loyal to the real me). I’ve also come to the realization that people really do notice what you have on, whether you are looking for kudos or not.

Written by Elana Pruitt

Dear Adina

Dear Adina 
Advice for the Broken-hearted

Dear Adina,
I have been meeting jerk after jerk for the last 3 years, really ever since my ex-boyfriend broke it off with me.   I am what most people would call attractive, and I have a really good personality and sense of humor.   Why can’t I find a guy who wants to get serious?   I just want to get married and start a family, plus I am being pressured from my mother because I am approaching 30.   By the way, I have no baggage, I don’t have any kids, and I have a stable job.   What’s wrong with me? Please help.

Shania

Dear Shania,
Oh, wow!   Your story is all too relatable, not only for me but probably forevery one of my girlfriends.   I’ve spent endless hours convincing them that these “jerks” weren’t worth their time.   So I really had to wrack my brain to answer your question and think of why we put ourselves through all of this.   Maybe it’s just that most men are jerks and we just have to weed through them until we find the diamond in the ruff.   Naaaa.   The good ones are out there; you just have to be ready to open yourself up to them.   First of all, let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with you.   Every experience you go through is meant to teach you something about yourself and make you a stronger person.   I don’t know much about your last relationship, but it sounds to me like it was a doozy, which left you really hurt.   So maybe dating the wrong type of guy (i.e., the guys you dub as “jerks”) was kind of a defense mechanism because you weren’t ready to get involved in a serious relationship with someone new.   Maybe your heart was still on the mend.   But by acknowledging this pattern and making the effort to seek help and advice, it seems like you are sick of playing the field and are ready to meet someone who will love you and treat you right.   Setting your intention is the only way to achieve what you really want in life…from landing your dream job, to losing weight, to finding the right guy.   So set your intention on loving yourself and finding someone who loves the you you love.   He’s out there, and once you find him, you’ll look back and laugh about all the silly guys you dated in the past.

Hopelessly hopeful,
Adina

Dear Adina,
I have been doing the online dating thing and hooked up with a really nice guy who has everything I want.   He even owns his own home.   Here’s my problem:   I totally lied on my dating application.   I lied about my age, my hobbies.   I lied about liking Monday night football.   I didn’t reveal the fact that I was married before.   We’ve been going out for a month now, and I am terrified of being found out.   I think I’m falling in love with this guy, but I’m having an attack of conscience.   If I tell him the truth, I’m afraid he’s not going to like the real me.   I don’t know if I can keep up this charade for much longer, but I am terrified of losing him.   What should I do?

Lying in Wait,
La Tonja

Dear Lying in Wait,
Come clean. That’s all there is to it.   But do it in a delicate fashion, of course. The thing about online dating is that it always starts out based on a fantasy–on the way you perceive yourself, or on the way you want to be perceived.   And that’s why you don’t marry a person based on their online profile (unless we’re talking about mail order brides, but that’s a whole other advice column).   So here’s where dating comes in…you go out, converse, get to know each other in person, and see if you’re compatible with each other.   The two of you have dated for a month and have developed some pretty strong feelings for each other.   It seems to me that you are compatible.   And that’s not because of something you wrote on your online profile; it’s because of who you are.    I’m not condoning lying about your age or your interests and I think you’re much better off telling him the truth and getting it off your chest.   Honesty is a very important component of all lasting relationships.   But I have a feeling that your confession isn’t going to make him run.   He might even have a few confessions of his own!   And hey, who’s to say that you can’t grow to love Monday night football??

Truth be told,
Adina

Dear Adina ,
I am not gay! I keep hearing rumors about me from people that I am gay.   I am a male in my early 20s and I am very shy.   I have a lot of guy friends, and I have never had a girl friend.   It’s not that I don’t like women.   Quite the contrary, I like them too much.   I get extremely nervous when I am around someone I am attracted to.   My palms get sweaty, I stutter, and I lose my train of thought. I am really thin, and not athletic at all.   I love to go to the theater, and yes, I do watch Will and Grace , but that doesn’t make me gay.   I am so tired of having to try to prove to people that I am straight.   How can I get these rumors to stop about me?   I am afraid that my friends are starting to believe them.

Justin

Dear Will…er…I mean Justin,
Don’t you love how society tries to put people into boxes?   If you’re a straight man, you should look and behave a certain way; and if you’re gay, you have to look and behave like something else.   UGH!   Who made these rules, and who says you have to follow them?!   I say, dance to the beat of your own drum, relish in the joys of the theater, and be who you are best–YOURSELF!   Your true friends will not listen to or believe these silly rumors.   But in the meantime, try to address your shyness and approach a girl or two.   Even ask one out.   I know it might be hard and scary, but it’s worth it.   It will help you overcome your shyness and give you that confidence boost that you need.   And remember, lucky is the lady who gets to know all of your wonderful qualities and have you by her side.

Go get ’em tiger!
Adina

The Beauty Agenda

The Beauty Agenda 
by Patricia Lee

Q: What is the difference between sunscreen and sunblock?   Though I would like protection from the sun, I’d still like to be able to achieve a tan this summer.

A: Ah summer!   As we shake off sheaths of clothing in favor of showing some skin, the summer sun can scorch, especially if one opts to head out sans sun protection. The outer layer of one’s skin is comprised of dead cells on the surface and live cells right beneath, which repeatedly replenish the surface of one’s skin with dead cells. Overexposure to ultra violet radiation from the sun deeply damages or destroys live cells, producing painful pomegranate-toned skin, increasing the chances of skin cancer, and promoting premature aging. Naturally, the most prudent protection from the negative effects of sun damage would be to stay out of the sun or completely cover oneself from head to toe, but that ultimately defeats the purpose of truly enjoying the wonderfully warm weather.   Your other option? Before hitting the beach, partaking in some outdoor activity, or even people watching curbside with friends over some refreshing mojitos, suit up with some sun protection, such as sunscreen or sunblock, both of which work to protect one from the skin roasting, radiation-laden rays.   The form of protection one seeks determines one’s choice between a sunscreen and sunblock.   Sunscreen, a chemical block, can be absorbed into one’s skin.   Once applied, it absorbs radiation and limits the amount of UVA and UVB rays penetrating one’s skin.    Sunblock, a physical block, lies on the surface of one’s skin rather than being absorbed.   Based on its composition, it defends by its ability to either absorb or reflect rays away from one’s epidermis.

Savvy SPF selection serves as a key factor in sun protection.   SPF, sun protection factor, refers to the amount of protection one obtains in minutes with a particular protection level compared to unprotected skin.   For instance, if an individual who burns after 30 minutes of unprotected exposure to the sun applied sunscreen with an SPF of 30, he/she could stay out soaking some sun for 900 minutes.   However, throwing in such factors as activity type, temperature, time of day, and the inevitability of perspiration, it may prove prudent to either pick a water-resistant or waterproof product, select a stronger than usual SPF, or routinely reapply one’s selected sun protection.   If you fall under fair-toned and your goal is gaining a golden hue, you may wish to select an SPF 30 sunscreen or sunblock.   Regardless, reapplication remains relevant in one’s routine.   Armed with sun protection, what are you waiting for?   Get out there and make the most of your days in the sexy summer sun!

Q: With all the leg baring dresses and skirts this summer, how do I get my legs in tip top shape?

A: As the warm rays of the sexy summer sun shower us, those committed to sculpting sexy bods and those just blessed with good genes welcome the opportunity to strip down into summer’s array of skirts and dresses.   For others not as fortunate that fancy following suit, get your gams in shape with some thigh tightening and trimming squats and lunges.   Before you begin this butt kicking, yet beloved routine, it’s crucial and common sense to stretch.   To stretch your butt and thigh muscles, begin by sitting on the ground.   Leaning back for a bit of balance, sit up with your left leg bent and left foot on the ground.   Bending your right leg, lift your leg, placing your ankle on the top of your left thigh right below the knee.   Keeping this perhaps puzzling position, roll back so that you’re lying on the ground.   Place your hands on the back of your left thigh and pull your thigh towards yourself.   Scrupulously stay in this position as you pull.   You’ll begin to feel your right buttock and thigh stretch/burn.   Hold the position for at least five seconds before switching over to stretch the left side.   Stretch and hold the position a few times before beginning and after each repetition of squats or lunges, which may possibly help in staving off some stretch marks.

With two ten to fifteen pound weights, stand shoulder width apart, resting a weight on each shoulder yet remaining parallel to the ground.   Inhale as you bend your knees until your behind is parallel to the ground, carefully keeping your back straight.   Be sure not to bend your back, putting possibly painful pressure on your knees.   Exhale as you carefully concentrate on contracting your glutes and standing in an upright position.   Begin with two sets of ten before working your way to more reps or heavier weights.

For lunges, start your stance in an upright position with weights at your side.   As you extend your right foot forward, bend your lower leg towards the ground until your thigh is parallel to the ground.   As you begin to stand upright, extend the left leg as if you’re taking a stroll, bending your right leg towards the ground, until your left thigh is parallel to the ground.   Remember to inhale as you bend downward and to exhale as you begin to stand upright.   Try for two sets of twelve steps for starters.

Post physical priming, work on boosting your body’s outer appearance.   After efficiently exfoliating your legs and thighs, maintain the moisturizing mantra.   Meticulously massage moisturizer in oil, cream, or lotion form all over legs and thighs daily.   On days you seek to show off, opt for leg boosting balms, such as Neutrogena’s Body Oil Sesame Formula, which saturates legs with sesame oil to silken and smooth legs, leaving a superior sexy sheen.   For nighttime naughtiness, boost your babe factor by adding some sparkle to your skin with enhancing lotions, such as Nivea’s Silky Shimmer Lotion or Scott Barnes’ Body Bling, which imparts a bit of pigment and/or shimmer to help fake a flawless look and to bolster your legs onto center stage.   With such jaw-dropping gams, you’re ready for one sensational summer.

Tried & Tested

No season screams skin like summer.   As balmy weather beckons, scads shed the caked on, concealing look of heavy makeup in support of allowing the natural luminosity of one’s skin to shine through.   As sun lovers and worshipers opt for outdoor activities to soak in some summer goodness, the steamy summer calls for a fresh, hassle-free look.   Pamper and prime your face using a heavenly hydrating lotion laden with antioxidants and botanicals, which work to fight fine lines and improve the overall appearance and texture of your face.   We love Dr. Jessica Wu Cosmeceuticals Dew Cream , which fuses Eastern beauty principles and tradition with Western science.    Exceptionally light and luxurious, this extraordinary emulsion spoils your skin, as it slips on like silk sans the slick, slippery feel.   Soaking in the soothing botanicals, skin looks and feels super soft, supple, and sprightly, as fine lines fade and dullness takes a back seat.   Bright, baby-soft skin beyond compare to complete the sweet, seductive look of summer? You’ve got it covered.

Sizzlin’ Summer

Sweet yet seductive, cute yet coquettish, demure yet bold, darling yet daring, the summer charms and captivates with coyly contrasting pieces, such as feminine, girly, vintage-inspired lace dresses cleverly crossed with daring hemlines, boyish shorts mixed with sexy peep toe platforms, bewitching bohemian top teasingly teamed up with sassy sandals, and exotic empire-waist dresses prettily paired with lower key Roman sandals.   The look exudes enigmatic seductiveness.

With the potential to increase one’s sizzle factor, footwear itself acts as an indispensable accessory in and of itself.

A few of our favorites : Marc Jacobs Gladiators, Jelly Sandals, Cholé Chunky Heeled Sandals, Steven by Steve Madden Lalo

Getting Glammed

Rather than conventionally carrying off in the all too predictable pinks, peaches, sorbets, and nudey nail polishes to complement the girly dresses and tops or striking shades to complement exotic ensembles, let the bold magnetism of mix ‘n match textures, styles, lengths perfect your mani pedi this season.   Throw a dash of dramatic with the feminine or a splash of subtle with the colorful.   Come hither contrasts prove pretty.

A few favorites :

Chanel Le Vernis

Pulsion      Cobra      Ballerina     Seduction

Essie

infatuation     flirt      China Doll

Written by Patricia Lee

Insights – Walking, Forgiveness, and Letting Go

Insights

Walking, Forgiveness, and Letting Go

A while back I found myself without a car.   I still had to get where I needed to go, and I had two good legs, two good feet, and all of my toes in tact; so I thought, why not walk?   Why not ride my bike?   Not being used to riding a bike after all these years, I found bike riding a little of a challenge.   I had a cheap bike with a hard seat, and needless to say, I found walking a lot easier on my derriere.   So I chose walking as my means of transportation to work, to the store, to the park, and wherever else I wanted to go.

I expected to lose weight and tone up, and after about four weeks of walking, I did see a difference in the way I looked.   There were many benefits I didn’t expect and what follows is how through walking I found greater meaning in life and a greater determination to hold on in the face of adversity.

Walking was a sort of Zen meditation for me.   When my journey took more than five miles, I found myself focusing in on my breathing.   I found myself concentrating on each step.

According to the Ramblers www.ramblers.org, ” Walking has been shown to improve self esteem, relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, and improve mood. Walking, particularly in pleasant surroundings, and with other people, offers many opportunities for relaxation and social contact.”

I have had my share of trials this year, having had to move away from my adult children.   I’m forty-four and they are in their late teens and early twenties.   For so long I advised them and guided them.   This year I finally had to realize that they have their own minds, and all I could do is love them and let them go.

It was tough to let go because I have been the matriarch and their guide and leader all these years. Unhappily, I discovered I was a little too comfortable in that role.

I became devastated when they directed their anger and frustration at me, when they blamed me for their shortcomings and their failures, when they did not acknowledge the good that I helped them achieve.   I suffered a loss of self-esteem and self-confidence because, after all, I had failed my children.   I became depressed, and to top it off, I lost my car.

The first day I had to walk I was happy that I was finally going to get that exercise that I needed.   I only needed to walk two miles that day, but I found myself walking three, and then four. I began to find peace with every step I took.   Having lost my joy, I discovered my smile.   The small things became huge, like the sunset at the end of the day or the sound of a wood crane in the late afternoon.

I have lost my smile

But don’t worry.

The dandelion has it.

– The Thich Nhat Hanh collection.

Thich Nhat Hanh was a Buddhist monk who practiced during the Vietnam War and against great odds promoted peace.   He stated in his collection:   “If you have lost your smile and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you, the situation is not too bad.”   I found that to be true in the lovely signs that nature gave me during my many long journeys.

One thing I appreciate the most is the feeling of the sun on my skin as I walked for miles. At first I felt discomfort, but I began to love the heat and the humidity.   It became a part of my daily journeys.   The sun began to represent freedom to me.   I had the freedom to put one step in front of the other beneath a sun that would always present itself.

It is true that Peace is in every step and a minor task like walking can be a method to find that peace.   Now when I find myself beginning to stress over life’s minor annoyances, I remember and hold on to the strength I found in walking when I was without a car.

I learned to hold onto the feelings of peace as my object.   I learned to treasure the small moments of tranquility I found when my endorphins kicked in after traveling a few miles.   I learned to capture my newly obtained feelings of empowerment and hold on to them.   I in essence regained my self-esteem.

Traveling absently over the stone and pebbles that marked my path,

I heard the sound of the traffic as I found my way home.

In that noise I discovered the space where I had lost my joy.

Joy!   I have found it.

It was never out of reach.

– Lisa Trimarchi

Talking Chic – A Change of Season – A Change of View

Talking Chic

A Change of Season – A Change of View

When does fashion fade from our wardrobe? Should it ever? Are there points in our lives when being stylish is supposed to take a backseat to the big picture? Lately, I can’t help but wonder if my attraction to designer handbags, ornate clutches, and vintage denim will always be an intricate part of my personality….if my bulletin board will always be posted with Nordstrom’s latest eyewear must-have’s…or if my nightlife pleasure will always be about who’s wearing what and who definitely shouldn’t be wearing what.

Whereas “fashion” may be considered a learned concept – a sort of aspiration one can succeed or struggle in, I’m convinced that “style” exists deep in a person’s soul. And when one expresses his or her style through colorful cloth, textured fabrics, and decorative accessories, this sort of big-bang collision creates a beautiful statement about who a person is.

But what happens when old age kicks in and peep-hole pumps are replaced with Easy Spirits, and one’s 2-seater BMW is overridden with Sunday morning white-van pick-ups? When seasons change and aging has gone full force, it seems like the luxurious feeling of fashion will turn into practicality. Simple, boring, and nothing worth discussing.

However, the lingering questions that have drilled themselves into my brain since visiting my grandfather in an Illinois nursing home about two months ago are this: When does the importance of expressing one’s style fade? When an elderly person’s behavior rewinds to the child-like innocence of years passed, where does one’s creativity hide?

Amidst watching a 99-year-old woman barely able to hold her head up while sitting in a wheelchair but sporting long purple acrylic nails, and witnessing my granddad’s shaky hands browse through my portfolio, yet still wearing the cherished bling on his pinky finger I ever-so-fondly know him to flaunt – it hit me!

Just because a person is not adamant in proving his or herself through fashion at 80 years old like he or she may have at 20, doesn’t mean that the respect and admiration for looking good doesn’t exist. I’m learning that while style may stay with us as we age, the excessive materialism and all the stuff that accrues in our closets over the years really do become, well, “stuff.”

And (gasp!) more important things will at some point in our lives take precedent over those favorite jeans and fabulous handbags. Matters like health, happiness, and unfortunately, sadness will hold reign.

But with sorrow there’s joy, and I know that new happiness will develop with being able to pass down my own favorites one day, such as the jewelry – the tiny artifacts – that a grandmother must save for her granddaughters. As the clouds cried those days in Chicago and my thoughts cleared during our runs from hotel room to nursing home and back to hotel room, the few trips to my grandparents’ house in Park Forest gave me more of a positive outlook in growing older. As I peered at my grandmother excitedly watching my sister and I open our envelopes with gold-chained memories inside (whether her thoughts were really on that very moment or the fact that something special lifted her spirits in the midst of waiting for my grandfather to return home), her chunky turquoise necklace on top of a beautiful cream sweater gave me a rush of excitement!

I bet it’s been forever since my grandma browsed through a fashion magazine, but when style runs deep, it runs true. And I can’t wait for my own granddaughters to be patient, sit beside me, and adore their cool G-ma.

Written by Elana Pruitt

Romance on the Road : Where Any Day is Your Special Day

Romance on the Road: Where Any Day Is your Special Day

(by Marilyn Anderson)

Ohhhhh, weddings, engagements, anniversaries—they all mean romance!   But why limit romance to special occasions?   Pick any night, and whisk your honey off to an enchanting getaway. Just an hour and a half drive from Los Angeles is one of the most romantic places in the world.

Santa Barbara, coined America’s Riviera, has beautiful beaches, Mediterranean architecture, a world-class museum, and a myriad of marvelous restaurants, wineries and hotels.   My boyfriend and I recently rendezvous-ed at an intimate Bed & Breakfast where we were treated not just romantically, but royally!

Nestled on an acre of English gardens only blocks from the heart of Santa Barbara’s main shopping area, is a beautiful Victorian hideaway—the Simpson House Inn. The grounds are elegant, the rooms lovely, and the food scrumptious.   Their personal little touches make the Simpson House Inn stand out as a distinctive and memorable romantic haven.

We stayed in their Plumstead Cottage—a living room and loft bedroom—with charming antique furnishings and decor.   The bedroom was cozy and warm, and the living room—totally unique.   It not only had a fireplace, but in the corner surrounded by windows—was a large, inviting Jacuzzi!   Talk about romantic!   They provided candles, truffles, sherry cakes, and bubble bath—we could sensuously soak as we watched TV, listened to their selection of romantic Cd’s, or just played with our rubber ducky!   They even provided that!

In the morning, the inn serves a gourmet breakfast, featuring a special entrÈe every day.   If you like privacy, you can dine in your room or on your private patio; or if you’re like us and enjoy company, you can eat in the main house, on the veranda, or in the gardens. We happily lounged in the back yard gazebo and were treated to a heavenly melt-in-your-mouth egg souffle with peppers and black beans.   Mmmm… and the “yummy” didn’t stop there!

Simpson House Inn offers tea and crumpets in the afternoon, wine and appetizers in the early evening, and desserts, beverages and sherry all night. Everything is complimentary.   And homemade!   In the guest rooms, a filled cookie jar sits on the table and beverages fill the fridge.   Oh, and when you get home from a night on the town (if you ever want to leave your room)—they offer videos or DVDs to take back to your room, along with freshly popped popcorn!

Delicate little extras make you smile all the time.   My eyes lit up as I spied not just the usual turn-down service with truffles on the pillow but beautifully laid-out robes, bath slippers and personally addressed notes to each of us, saying “Sweet Dreams.”   And after the morning maid service, we discovered captivating memos with quotes from George Bernard Shaw.   I’m sure he would have loved staying there, too!

The historic, East lake-style Victorian estate was originally built by Scotsman Robert Simpson in 1874.   It was restored by the Davies family, and when their son left for school, they started taking in boarders.   For 20 years now, it’s been a B & B—and it is truly delightful.

Whether it’s a special day or any day, it will definitely raise your Romance Rating with your sweetheart. Of course, Simpson House frequently hosts proposals, weddings, and anniversaries… or just a divine romantic getaway only a short ride away.   Hmm, maybe we’ll see you for afternoon tea next weekend?

Simpson House InnSanta Barbara Bed & Breakfast

North America’s only AAA 5 Diamond Bed & Breakfast Inn

Accommodations:    15 rooms, suites and cottages

Phone: 800-676-1280 / Website:www.simpsonhouseinn.com

* * *

Marilyn Anderson is the author of NEVER KISS A FROG: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures from the Dating Swamp.   Visit her website atwww.neverkissafrog.com.

This article was previously published and is reprinted here with the permission of the Author.

Immigration: Should They Stay or Should They Go?

Illegal Immigration: Should They Stay or Should They Go?

Now, I’ve always been the first to accuse mankind of having a collective memory similar to the goldfish, but I still give the goldfish some points for not having such a predilection for selective memory. In fact, the more I look at it, the more we seem to have devolved into some type of cognitive hybrid, somewhere between those forgetful little guppies and mindless sheep that are willing to shift our focus, and our tax dollars, toward whatever cause a politician tells us should occupy our time and attention. It’s almost a given that any particular cause almost always comes in an election year, but how strange it is that this nation’s government has asked its citizens to shift focus amongst three different causes within such a short time span. For the benefit of keeping us one level above the sheep and the fish, I’ll focus on one: immigration.

You know what’s sad? I cannot predict lottery numbers to save my life, but I knew sure as the dickens that immigration would be the next election-year issue that would effectively distract the public. Sometime ago, several friends and colleagues were deluged with my daily ranting about how the administration would shift its focus from abortion and gay marriage to immigration as the next big issue for 2006. Hopefully, some of those friends entered pools or perhaps made small side bets. Before it can be debated with clear, concise looks at the problems and solutions, first we must consider if immigration is really an issue. Better yet, is it any more an issue today than it was twenty years ago? Even better still, why do people care now? Despite the sideways apologies and dismissals from politicians who are striving to retain their conservative voting base in active form, this issue reeks of racism–and it mirrors, to an extent, the same divisive political pandering that took place when Proposition 209 (in California), the anti-Affirmative Action bill, gained center stage during another election year. How soon the public forgot…

Although undocumented immigrants come in all nationalities and political ideologies, it seems that the only group ever to garner interest among legislators and voters consistently has been the “brown” people. And why not? They’re easiest to spot, and they make for great immediate vilification when the public needs to be distracted from the attention being paid to high gasoline costs and runaway budgets and an unending war. But, in fairness to both those who vilify illegal immigrants and those who wish to offer amnesty to anyone who touches American soil, let me suggest some options that would be easy to instate–but would also prematurely end the national debate on immigration in a matter of weeks–long before politicians would like to see an end to the pandering.

Option No. 1: Let’s let ’em all in! It’s not an untruth to say that there are some jobs that Americans won’t do; and if they are not willing to do certain jobs, and a company has the opportunity to get workers who will do them, then those workers who are risking their lives to perform a menial task should by all means be given the opportunity. However, there is the other side of the coin. Perhaps it’s not that American workers are unwilling to do a job, but rather, unlike in Mexico, where $5 a day is considered adequate, there’s more incentive for an American to remain unemployed and collect a government check than to work for a wage that cannot afford even the most basic living amenities. Putting aside the costs of perks like gasoline, health care, and food, in taking a look at the lowest cost of living, the minimum wage in this country is below poverty level. And, no matter how much practical sense it makes, working three jobs to be above the poverty level is impossible when trying to raise children, pay for a home, and ensure residence in a neighborhood where it is safe for those children to play outside.

Option No. 2: Kick ’em out; keep ’em out! Way out! While this sentiment pleases most members of the Minutemen, the logistics are completely screwed, and ignorant of history. This nation was not originally inhabited by Europeans, and everyone knows this. Nor is this nation a “nation of immigrants,” a statement that should enrage any indigenous person who hears or reads it. Much as history books seem to omit the details of early America, Europeans were not much different from current undocumented immigrants–save for killing the native inhabitants with war and disease, stealing the land and forcing those who survived to assimilate into a religion and culture with which they were unfamiliar. So far, most undocumented immigrants I’ve met just want to find a good job–and they’d probably feel better if more people spoke Spanish. But, most importantly, those on the anti-immigrant side seem to forget that parts of this country belonged to Mexico in the first place, and that many of the “wars” waged to acquire California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas were slaughters of indigenous peoples during which European nations, namely England and Spain, battled to control the land they stole. Maybe Mexicans just want it back, but they don’t want to go about it the same way the conquistadors did.

Option No. 3: An easy solution that would anger the politicians who want you to stay focused on illegal immigration through the election: or, how we learn to stop giving credence to wedge issues and apply actual solutions to perceived problems. It sounds so simple to suggest that the federal government institute a tax program that would collect fees from undocumented workers (and their employers) that essentially would pay an immigration tax for acquired citizenship. See, these huge upfront fees that legislators are asking for are just going to scare undocumented workers who desperately want to become citizens, and they would just perpetuate a cycle of “work-until-you-get-caught” behavior, which would just perpetuate a continuation of border crossing. However, if the fees were included in paycheck deductions at a rate of $2 per check, per immigrant (matched by the employer) for a 10-year period (subject to transfer if immigrant worker changes employment after beginning citizen-taxation program), that amount would be less intimidating and would generate quite a bit of revenue for the states that implement such a program. And it would quell the debate by appeasing those who wish to see all immigrants amnestied and those who think immigrants should pay their fair share to society. But, unfortunately for politicians, it would put an end to their grandstanding and base-appeasing rhetoric that keeps voters focused on everything but the real issues.

Option No. 4: The Hail Mary pass. I write this because it is very likely that you won’t see it mentioned in the mainstream media, although there’s documented proof that several officials witnessed the alleged interaction. So, what better way to describe it than a series of hypothetical and rhetorical questions, such as:   What if illegal immigration is encouraged by the current administration? What if many of its members, their friends and their lobbyists and business partners benefit from cheap labor? What if these businesses find it much easier to avoid the costs of employing an American citizen so they hire a migrant and get said disenfranchised citizen to hate the illegal immigrant that got his/her job? What if Bush and President Vicente Fox agreed that illegal immigration would be tolerated (let’s say that Fox likes the additional revenue his country sees from immigrants who send money back to Mexico) if Mexico would deregulate its oil supplies and allow U.S. companies first bid/refusal to acquire them? What if this agreement was witnessed by several U.S. and Mexican officials? What if by writing this, I seal my fate?

There are a lot of “What ifs” around this issue, but the answers aren’t as far away as we think. In fact, the same people who want us to ask the questions just happen to be the same people who fear our finding the answers to them before November.   Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Written by Natalie Martin

Naissance on Melrose – Pioneers of Trendy Stylish Maternity Clothes

Naissance on Melrose – One of the Pioneers of Trendy Stylish Maternity Clothes

Naissance on Melrose is one of the premiere stylish maternity boutiques.   Since its inception people have followed the trend.   NOM was created because the owner, Jennifer Noonan, felt a need in the fashion industry for stylish maternity wear.   During both of Jennifer’s pregnancies, she was very disappointed with her shopping experience, so she opened up a small boutique in Calabasas, California, and then NOM in Los Angeles.

I spoke with the manager, Missy Rae, who shares Jennifer’s belief that you shouldn’t have to give up style just because you’re pregnant.

The clothes that we offer are every bit as cool and trendy as the clothes you would wear before your pregnancy.

Regarding design, Missy Rae does some of the T-shirt designing, but Jennifer Noonan, the owner, does all of the designs.

What didn’t Jennifer like about shopping for maternity clothing?

The environment wasn’t very friendly.   The clothing wasn’t interesting, and the selection just wasn’t good.   You’re already not feeling very good when you’re pregnant. You want the experience to be comfortable and make you feel good about yourself, rather than feeling worse because the clothes aren’t fitting properly.   It’s just an uncomfortable environment .

She wanted to make it a beautiful experience when people are shopping for maternity clothing.   Jennifer started small and piece by piece put her collection together.   Five years later, they’ve grown tremendously.

NOM’s clothes aren’t really designed for the corporate office.   They’re catered more toward just being comfortable and showing a sense of style–like party clothes and everyday wear.   They do a lot of jeans, which go below the belly and are very comfortable, compared to some of the other maternity jeans that are out there.   They do a lot of fun tank tops and t-shirts, too.

How does NOM come up with the different designs?

There isn’t any particular color pallet that we stick to.   Jennifer goes through phases where she’s into more natural colors, or having pinks or camouflage.   Each season is a little different.   We’ve been working a lot with vintage pieces such as vintage Levis, which are turned into crop maternity jeans or maternity skirts.   Taking vintage t-shirts and turning them into tube tops is another big success.   Debra Messing wore our Mickey Mouse version of that, and people just went nuts for it.   We’ve been making different versions of that one ever since.

How does a mom-to-be find you?

As far as advertising, we’re really lucky because a lot of magazines ask us to include samples in various features.   So we get a lot of advertising, whether it’s fit for pregnancy, In Style, or when a celebrity wears our clothing.   People seek us out.   You can either go online, or call us toll free.   We really don’t do advertising.   It’s more through word-of-mouth.

How did Jennifer Noonan come up with the name Naissance on Melrose?

Naissance is French for birth.   Jennifer wanted a unique word that would be a little mysterious but also have to do with the process of giving birth.

To whom are you catering and what is your price range?

We cater to moms of all ages who want to look sexy.   Our clientele ranges from very young up through the 40s.   We sell to people all over the world.   Through our website, we get orders from every country.   The price points are very affordable, ranging as low as $40 up to $175.   Many of our pieces work after the pregnancy, too.   We hear from many of the moms who continue to wear the clothing.   In fact, we’ve had a few customers who keep calling and ordering clothes for the next season even though they’re no longer pregnant.

Highest High

It is very fulfilling working in the maternity industry because it is a very happy business.   Every day we help moms look good and feel their best.

Lowest Low

People who steal your designs and copy your ideas–the competition is getting a lot fiercer with people jumping on the bandwagon of doing stylish maternity clothing.   That is the biggest pitfall.   But you just learn as you go.   You find out what people are into, and what they like and dislike.   It’s trial and error.   But for the most part it has been a fun growth process, and we will continue to grow every year.

To learn more about Naissance on Melrose, visit their website atwww.naissanceonmelrose.com, or visit their boutique at 8254 Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90046, or call (800) 505-0517.

Interview by Kaylene Peoples

Bella Dahl Maternity – A Sexy Jean for the Mother-to-Be

Bella Dahl Maternity -A Sexy Jean for the Mother-to-Be

Bella Dahl has been around for almost six years, and two years ago Bella Dahl Maternity was created based on the need for cool, sexy maternity wear in the same vein as Bella Dahl, a very contemporary, sexy fitting jeans line.   The thought was that expecting mothers would not want to wear a baggy, bulky jean.   Head designer Lynn Keys came up with a very successful product with a sexy fit and cool styling; very contemporary, very hip.   Some of the Bella Dahl Maternity jeans expose the belly; others do not.

Lynn grew up in the Midwest and attended design school, then went on to FIT in New York, where she studied for two years.   In 1996 Lynn came out to Los Angeles and worked with a contemporary firm for three years.   Lynn went out on her own for a couple of years and did some accessories, cashmere, and wristbands, then transitioned into Bella Dahl.   She’s been here ever since the beginning.

We decided to continue our fashion jean in the contemporary market because we thought that our sexy clientele will get pregnant, and they’re going to want a sexy jean.   We use lycra in our product.   It’s a comfort stretch.   Our tummy band is terry cloth with lycra which holds your tummy very well.   It can slide under the belly or be up above.   It has a self elastic band inside.   You don’t have bulk around your mid-section; you’re more emphasizing it and exposing it.

What is the demographic?

Our Maternity age range is anywhere from 20s to mid 40s.   It is a very body-conscious customer, same with our Bella Dahl client–someone who’s very sexy and fit and who can wear a jean very well.   The way that we engineer our tummy, especially the belly part of our maternity jean, it really helps to make you feel very sexy.

Lynn is the head designer. The two owners are very involved in the direction and focus of their product. Lynn is very hands-on.   She oversees the details: pocket details, stitching, washes, fabrications, including which products are being put into maternity.

Sometimes we carry over our bestseller in Bella Dahl contemporary into our maternity to help dress those pregnant clients throughout their pregnancy.

Bella Dahl can be found in specialty maternity stores, specialty boutiques, which carry a maternity section, Nordstrom, Pea in the Pod, etc.   The difference between Bella Dahl and Bella Dahl Maternity is in the cut.   A little more fullness is added to the hips, and the waistband is cut down.   There is the same quality of stitching.   The belly portion is carved out so there are no folds over the belly.   The waistband is dropped by two or three inches.   It sits right underneath the belly.   It grows with you during your pregnancy.

When I was pregnant I didn’t find anything in the market like Bella Dahl.   Bella Dahl Maternity retails from $126 to $175.

Highest High:

The best part of designing the line is seeing the end product. Wearing it, and feeling good, you don’t feel like you’re pregnant.

Lowest Low:

Once we’ve played around with the tummy band to get this fit just right, it was a challenge.   But it was executed and as you can see, it turned out great.

What’s Next?

Bella Dahl has always been a very rock ‘n roll wearable jean.   In terms of the maternity line, I think we’re going to continue our strong bodies and update the washes, probably go a little cleaner.   The washes will be a little bit clearer–not so much tinting.   In terms of pocket trends, we’re going into more stitching and color stitching.

Celebrities Debra Messing, Kate Hudson, and Sarah Jessica Parker have requested Bella Dahl Maternity.   This is a testimony to a jean that grows with your pregnancy.   Who says you have to be out of style to be pregnant?

Interview by Kaylene Peoples

Dear Adina – The 21st Century Dear Abby

Dear Adina

Your 21st Century Dear Abby

Dilemma 1

Dear Adina,
I have a real problem. I live around the corner from a very nice guy. We say hello to each other when I walk my dog. We became friends and I invited him to accompany me to a few functions. I always thought of him as just a friend, but I just discovered that he has been pining for me for three years! Now I am a divorced woman in my forties and am perfectly happy living alone. However, he has been very pushy about being with me. I finally gave in to his desires and went out on a date. He came on so strong that I didn’t know how to react. He told me he was in love with me and wanted to get married. I didn’t know how to respond. I have never had a guy come on so strong so fast before. He took offense when I didn’t reciprocate his feelings. The truth is I actually do care for him, but just not the way he cares for me. I feel in time, my feelings could grow. But he keeps rushing me to return his sentiment. Is this normal? The poor guy seems really desperate. I’m afraid I might have a stalker on my hands and I am not sure what my next move should be. But I am beginning to fall for him. Adina, how should I proceed?

Forced to Feel,
Samantha

—Adina’s Response—

Dear Friendly Neighbor,
It seems like your buddy is quite smitten by you. It reminds me of that When Harry Met Sally scene where Harry tells Sally that men and women could never just be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. I personally think friendship is the best way to start a relationship. You have common interests, you obviously enjoy spending time with this person, and there is already a solid foundation of trust and mutual respect on which to build a budding romance. But you just have to take it slow and listen to your instincts. Be open to your friend about how you feel…after all, friends should be able to tell each other everything! Make sure you let your friend know that you do have feelings for him, but you don’t want to rush into a relationship. Let him know how it makes you feel when he is too pushy or forward, and explain to him that he needs to give you space to reciprocate. I know that it can be scary opening up yourself to love again, especially after you have established an independent life for yourself and are happy alone. I am sure it is all these wonderful, strong, self-assured qualities which attracted your friend to you in the first place. But if and when you are ready to open your heart up to the possibilities of love, it looks as though you have a man waiting with open arms and an open heart.
Adina

Dilemma 2

Dear Adina,
I have been married for three years and I am totally fed up with my in-laws! Every time my husband and I go over to their house, they always say things that are totally inappropriate. I guess I should give you a little background. I am an African American female and my husband is Caucasian. Every time I am over there, they always make a point to draw undue attention to my race somehow, like commenting on my hair, or comparing me to derogatory stereotypes. Sometimes, they even use racial slurs in front of me. Of course, they don’t think they’re prejudiced at all. But to me, I feel so insulted. I have said things to my husband about it, but he doesn’t really know what to do about it. I have even confronted these people about their behavior, and they just say they never meant to hurt my feelings. But they keep doing it. It has made me so uncomfortable that I don’t ever want to see them again, but of course this would only drive a rift between my husband and me. Please help.

Tired of being the Victim,
Wanda

—Adina’s Response—

Dear Fed Up with the In-laws,
I understand that you must feel completely fed up with this situation. It’s so frustrating trying to get through to people who don’t understand the repercussions of their words. But instead of feeling like this is a battle of you against them, try to think of it as an opportunity to educate people who don’t know any better. You said that your in-laws are not intending to sound prejudiced or to hurt your feelings, so try not to feel hurt by their thoughtless words. Instead, next time they make an inappropriate joke or comment, be clear that you find it offensive. Try explaining to your husband how their comments make you feel and ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed. It is important that you are comfortable around your in-laws and it is equally important to know that your husband has your side and will do whatever he can to resolve the situation. Talking about racial issues can be uncomfortable for some people, but an open dialog allows for a common understanding and appreciation of all the qualities which make us unique.

Adina

Dilemma 3

Dear Adina,
I have a friend who has really bad B.O. Everybody notices it. I have been known to tell people the truth, but I am tired of being the bad guy all the time. I don’t really want to be the person that hurts her feelings. But her personal hygiene is unbearable. What would you suggest I do? I’m tired of hearing other people talk about her to me. So do I have to be the one to tell her?

Holding My Breath,
Tracy

—Adina’s Response—
Dear Waiting to Inhale,
Think of it this way. If you had a big piece of food stuck in your teeth and you went about your daily routine without anyone saying a word, how would you feel? Maybe a little embarrassed? And probably very mad at your friends for not pointing it out to you! Well, this is a similar situation. I’m sure your friend doesn’t realize how bad her BO is. She will definitely be embarrassed when you point it out, but don’t worry, you won’t be the bad guy this time. The other people who make comments behind her back and say nothing to her are the bad guys in this scenario. There are tactful ways to bring up the subject. Suggest a fabulous new deodorant or body wash you found that she just has to try. Maybe even buy her a bottle. I’m sure she’ll get the hint.

Adina

You can email your dilemmas to adina@agendamag.com.  It’s okay, tell Adina all about it.  Just remember to include your first name and age.  Oh yeah, guys are welcome too.